maxi

Funny how irony works... My OCD has been horrible in the past 3 months, and i am having a bumpy road in my personal life as well, and yesterday hailed and sleeted all day to ice. waiting to see my best and only friend all day whom is leaving to move to Florida.
On top of that i somehow seem to have gotten like 7 compliments on my hair at work. MY OCD is Pulling out my hair since i have been 10. It's that very OCD that drives me to model as a therapy and incentive to not pull.

I'm still somewhat Numb today, I don't really care what the future holds. Making it through today is what counts. Funny when you distance yourself a little from your drama how others seem to more compliant.

Last night the city was completely dead from the weather, everyone seemed to have scurried home for fear of being stranded by ice. but i pushed forward to meet my friend. We cried we laughed, it was a good 2 hours. I'm going miss her like crazy, and i guess start planning trips to Florida.

Tomorrows Valentines Day. and for the 1st time I wish it wasn't. I won't be alone, I just won't be in a perfect or preffered state of mind that is Ideal.

more funny things going on..
I recently got an email from a woman whom knew me and my sister in the 70's she was a childhood friend. its been like 19 years... the Web is fabulous for connecting lost ones.
then after i got the email i decided to look up my some of my past, I found my Ex Step Father and my old best friend from when i was a child/ teen as well.
I found him and her, well i found an email that links to his business, and sent a message to his new wife or what i think is his new wife, we lost touch after the divorce when i was about 19. and i have so much i want and need closure to with him. I actually talked to my old best friend. she didn't know i was modeling and very impressed with my hair and my images, she is a mom and seems a little reserved but still has the same sense of humor as she did when we were kids. I haven't seen her since i was about 24.
So i got lots to distract me right now.
Ant and i are talking, not really talking but trying to be nice. i'm not letting much get to me today. which is a good thing.

thank you guys for always being htere to support me. who would think a semi porn site would have more than happy endings material but really awesome people that show they care!