An epiphany is only a sad realization...
Of something that you unfortunantely did not realize sooner.
I do not know what I feel today. I was happy this morning and most of the afternoon. Until I realized, sitting at home, that I am not happy. Not today atleast.
Is it odd, that I can be living the life that i've always wanted, but half the time be so sad? Maybe what I thought I wanted was not it at all. I strive to assert myself as an independent woman, but I cannot cope with the word woman yet.
I am alone. I am not with Alex and my friends. I am not with anyone here. I am sitting on my bed, with my computer, just as I have done for the last four hours. Doing nothing productive. I often think of all the time that I sit, doing nothing per se, and I could be doing so much.
I thought a lot about war lately. I got a peace sign tattooed on my back, and now I have been thinking about its concept. I am against war, I do not like bloodshed, but then again there are many ethical issues. I suppose that there is not any moral wrong doing worse than taking another humans life. But it seems that many of the worlds great injustices have been 'sovled' through bloodshed. I do not know what to conclude about our society.
Many times I feel like I am not funfilling my purpose. But then again I suppose such a lofty accusation is hard to determine if one has not recognized their purpose. I think about the ones in our history whom I admire, and I think to myself that that is what I should strive to be like. But no matter what causes I fight for, there will always be more.
If I get married, work and have children and lose sight of the causes I once fought for during the process, is that wrong of me?
Am I here to fight for causes or live what most people would say is life? A few of the great succeed at both I suppose.