matt_organic

It's really bad at the moment. Everything's gone grey again. I'm really trying to pull myself out of it but it's so fucking hard. Last night I was out at a club and was sat in the corner with some friends for about 3 hours - but I don't think I said a single word. I definately couldn't even keep my attention on what they were talking about, just stared at the floor. Eventually it was all I could do to stand up and leave. Two people I don't even know insulted me on the way out. This is all just really shit, without even a job now to keep me going and occupied. To be honest, there isn't even anyone here I can go to. I sat this morning and flicked through my phone just looking for someone to call. I couldn't find anyone who I'd feel comfortable talking to about all this. I couldn't find anyone who I thought I could just ring and ask to come round because I need some human contact, just someone to hold me.

It never used to be like this. At least before there were people I could turn to. Now it really seems like I've lost everything. I know this is mostly chemical and just me making stupid problems up to occupy my time because I have nothing else to do. For fuck's sake, why am I writing about this on a pornsite journal? I really need to do something with myself. This needs to change. At least 2004 can only get better from here on in.