mathematics

everything is going well, but i'm starting to feel uncomfortable with who i am. it's a recurring thing. i'll get over it. the problem is that i'm just a good kid, but i have a "rocker" image. i don't consider myself a rocker, but i guess i am. i hate it when i'm asked "are you a rocker?" and see them laugh when i say no. if they're not gonna believe my answer 'cause they already have their own conclusion, why the hell ask. people are stupid. the type of girls i'm generally interested in are the good girl type. it's kind of a problem 'cause everyone thinks i'm only into pale rocker girls with dark black hair. up to now all the girls i've dated have been "good girls". not a single rocker.

but i think my rocker image tends to intimidate the good girls even though they get to know me and know i'm just a good guy. i think it turns them off eventually. i remember one time i told my brother about the possibility of me and my friend starting a relationship and he kind of laughed. he said she was to good(as in innocence not quality) for me. that type of stuff pisses me off. i'm starting to feel like i don't deserve a good girl, or maybe they're not meant for me. it makes me wonder if i'll ever find the love of my life. i tell people i don't plan on getting married, but inside i know it's something i want. i guess that is my fantasy.

if i go out with a good girl, i'm too rockish for them. if i go out with a rocker, i'm to good guyish for them. i'm starting to feel uncomfortable with the "getting to know people" thing again. i suppose i'll get over it.