matamoras

ok. So now what?

Ha - my new pic. I got my new stack of books from the magazine to judge. Yay, and my Harry Potter is at the bottom of the stack! Boy, that sounds kinda dirty! I did a relaxer tonight and it looked awesome - yay for me! I bought a lot of alcohol for my friend's party friday and then I talked to Ambs and...
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10 years later. I told my mom this morning at 7:30 while talking to her on her cellphone. She was in Target and I was at the apartment-that I was raped. I asked her to please call my father and tell him because I just couldn't bear not telling him and I just couldn't bear to say it aloud to another person. So that's that.

So what if after ten years I say that he fucked me without my permission while I cried for him to stop? Why do I have to say it? Why does it have to be my reality? Is it why I am who I am? Has everything I've ever done become shaped by that? How can I erase it? Who can change it? Why does...
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I saw an awesome exhibit about the bog people at the museum. It was really cool. They think that they were probably victims of ritual sacrifices. It was really interesting. How tacky is the gift shop, selling bog people coffee "so good it brings you back from the dead"!!?!! Anyway - I did buy a bog people pen. A little bog man floats up and...
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I don't trust very many people. I could count the people I trust on about three fingers. Somedays, maybe less than that. I think on the whole - people are liars. They're not bad people, but they lie for the own gain.

Updating again: It's not like anyone even reads this, it's for me.
My husband had a fever.
He's in a band now.
All my friends can't stop telling me how nice he is.
He's so "nice".
Nice. Nice. Nice.
My friend's boyfriend thinks he's nice. That's right -
Her boyfriend.
My teacher asked if he had a brother.
He must be my polar opposite.
Someone...
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Ever have that friend you have to be "on" with? I have that friends and he called about an hour ago. I'm pretty sure our friendship is solidly built upon flirtation but he's so "on" all the time - I can't tell. he invited me to a dinner party, hmmm. This kid is 19 - what the fuck is he doing?

In unrelated news -...
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I have been tapped for love advice.
Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone got the idea I was the person to ask.
I talk to my ex about once a week.
Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone got the idea that he and I are best friends.
My friend at school is in love with her ex (or so she thinks) she is married and her and her husband...
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I saw my friend's brother's band tonight and even though I was exhausted, I was so pissed off from school - it was just what I needed. They were a Journey tribute band and they were so awesome and so talented and I had way too many drinks and that makes for a good fuckin' time. I forgot about the blasts, forgot about the stresses...
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