matamoras

Pillpop, pillpop, pillpop.
There are two mornings you know?
The one at 6:30 that makes my stomach sick and my head so full I've got to swallow the first one....
or the fourth one depending one what you consider the beginning or the ending
because there is the other morning that's at about 6:30
where I wake up after my day reduced from the first pill and soon to be blunted with three more in about four hours. When you take pills like this, you are aware that you are on a crutch, that sometime it will not be there, but you cannot function without it, so as "temptation's girl" I use my crutch today and try not to think about when it will not be there any more.

*Edited to say I only use four ellipses now, not three. It just feels wrong to type three. You know?

My life is a series of habits, of routines that are in place so that I can make it throught the day. So I can find some magic bolt of independence, but in the struggle for it, I have lost more of my own, funny isn't it?

Yesterday I sat on my floor and cried. I bawled for a life I have, for a life I do not have.