matamoras

Sometimes my mind wanders to the quality
of the paper plates that you are eating that
Chinese take-out on Christmas Day, and then I'm sad
that you are eating that instead of a huge homemade meal (because my mother always makes too much).
Sometimes I wonder what it is you would say
when I say, "I hurt and I don't know why.
I hate where I am and I don't know why.
I want a fish tank. Now. Today.
No, wait, I want a keyboard.
No, I want to garden today!"
I wonder what you think when my city wins the Superbowl. Did you watch? Did you think of me?
Would we fight over teams?
Would you vote the same way as me?
Would you vote at all?
Would I get pissed if you didn't take out the garbage?
(Yes, yes, I'm sure I would).
My mind wanders at the little times,
but mostly it wanders at the big times - weddings,
Christmas Eve,
New Year's,
the fourth of July,
my birthday.
I have a small Mary I keep in lieu of a nativity set.
What would you think of her?
I am vehemently opposed to New Year's and you know this,
I know,
but would I want to go out?
I love sparklers and the fourth -
I almost always go to an amusement park that day.
My birthday is always a dissapointment.
So planned and prepared.
Another year older doesn't bother me.
Another year wondering does.
And so these are the places we go when we are passengers in the car or when we hesitate for a moment and say "what?" to the person looking at us for an answer.