Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

matamoras

Member Since 2005

Followers 4 Following 10

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Dec 18, 2005

Dec 18, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
He sits next to me, jangling the lighter in his pocket.
Five numbers of zipcode, and a list of preferences:
Smoking Always,
Drinking Socially,
And I upload his face onto the screen.
A woman searching for a man,
We scroll to him quickly, his long hair,
That his brother, my husband, once had,
The giveaway.
My brother-in-law.
As lawful as Vegas gets the week before Christmas when youre high on free first class tickets,
High on free drinks,
Pills plucked from the floor
In a hotel suite you cannot afford.

You do have to go to the courthouse. You have to walk past the men standing outside in a separate, longer line, waiting to pay their fees for public intoxication. But, My God, who here is not intoxicated? I could wax on about the lights and the drinks and the bells and the girls but we all know what Vegas is and some of us know what it is not. I curl a finger around my brown hair and tug at it, standing in line behind a man with an asian woman on his arm. He is ten years at least, her senior. She can barely speak English. Apparently none of his mail has reached her country because the post office has been opening his mail. The government wants to keep tabs on him, this man. Talking for my benefit, his dirty brown eyes look me over. And for a moment I am self-concious. Very aware that I am in a courthouse waiting for a license to be married the next day to a boy Ive known three years, one year less than both of my other long-tem relationships have lasted. But then I just drift back into the lull of thought that has served me well. I am wearing white today. It was not on purpose, I wear white most every day. I laugh at my own ability to feel self-important, to think that anyone in this courthouse, notices or wonders or even toys with the idea of my purity. Virgins dont get married in a Las Vegas chapel. But lets go back to that man with the dirty eyes and why he makes me ache.
My brother-in-laws face on the screen reminds me that so many of us are so desperate to be needed, to have, if even for a moment.
Hes just looking for a date. Apparently a hard drives worth of porn will only get you so far. Can only take you through so many nights. Together we look at Russian brides-to-be clamoring for a husband here in the states. We pity these men who are seriously looking for this. But come on, weve all got our price, right? Weve all got a cavity inside that were willing to pay, if it gets too far or the price is high enough. We laugh at the women, page after page of Annas, but not a thing in their resolve makes me pity them.
They are mostly beautiful. They list their price.
They are mostly beautiful, but at least they list their price

*edited for spelling. blush

More Blogs

  • 05.09.06
    0

    Tuesday May 09, 2006

    And just like that routine washes back over me. I'm trying to explai…
  • 05.08.06
    0

    Monday May 08, 2006

    So you picked up your guitar tonight and this time I didn't sit in a …
  • 05.07.06
    2

    Sunday May 07, 2006

    Ramblings: You almost ran over a groundhog and watched in devastat…
  • 04.30.06
    0

    Sunday Apr 30, 2006

    I am really at a crossroads in my life and I'm struggling to make dec…
  • 04.21.06
    0

    Friday Apr 21, 2006

    8 weeks until graduation and counting........I got another tattoo. I…
  • 04.01.06
    2

    Saturday Apr 01, 2006

    11 weeks and counting....off to eat a tiny sliver of b-day cake.
  • 03.29.06
    0

    Wednesday Mar 29, 2006

    Sometimes I wake up and I don't know who you are. Really. You have …
  • 03.28.06
    0

    Tuesday Mar 28, 2006

    Something terrible happens when you reconnect with people - you remem…
  • 03.24.06
    2

    Friday Mar 24, 2006

    My hair is white blonde now. That's all I got.
  • 03.23.06
    0

    Friday Mar 24, 2006

    Don't steal my words man. Don't steal my words. Not cool.

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
7
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,690 followers
  • 14,920,095 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,391,142 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo