matamoras

So what if after ten years I say that he fucked me without my permission while I cried for him to stop? Why do I have to say it? Why does it have to be my reality? Is it why I am who I am? Has everything I've ever done become shaped by that? How can I erase it? Who can change it? Why does...
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I saw an awesome exhibit about the bog people at the museum. It was really cool. They think that they were probably victims of ritual sacrifices. It was really interesting. How tacky is the gift shop, selling bog people coffee "so good it brings you back from the dead"!!?!! Anyway - I did buy a bog people pen. A little bog man floats up and...
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I don't trust very many people. I could count the people I trust on about three fingers. Somedays, maybe less than that. I think on the whole - people are liars. They're not bad people, but they lie for the own gain.

Updating again: It's not like anyone even reads this, it's for me.
My husband had a fever.
He's in a band now.
All my friends can't stop telling me how nice he is.
He's so "nice".
Nice. Nice. Nice.
My friend's boyfriend thinks he's nice. That's right -
Her boyfriend.
My teacher asked if he had a brother.
He must be my polar opposite.
Someone...
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Ever have that friend you have to be "on" with? I have that friends and he called about an hour ago. I'm pretty sure our friendship is solidly built upon flirtation but he's so "on" all the time - I can't tell. he invited me to a dinner party, hmmm. This kid is 19 - what the fuck is he doing?

In unrelated news -...
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I have been tapped for love advice.
Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone got the idea I was the person to ask.
I talk to my ex about once a week.
Somewhere, somehow, someway, someone got the idea that he and I are best friends.
My friend at school is in love with her ex (or so she thinks) she is married and her and her husband...
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I saw my friend's brother's band tonight and even though I was exhausted, I was so pissed off from school - it was just what I needed. They were a Journey tribute band and they were so awesome and so talented and I had way too many drinks and that makes for a good fuckin' time. I forgot about the blasts, forgot about the stresses...
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I heart Chris Martin. I'm such a dork.

To Do List:
1. Find God.
2. Find a pet cause.
3. Get in shape.
4. Get watch sized
5. Let this blasted tan fade.

One of the hardest things for me in my life has been navigating through relationships, all kinds of them. I'm really the love em' and leave em' type. This pattern is in all of my relationships. I guess it's a sign of immaturity or a fear of commitment or just plain fickle-ness. I don't know. Today I feel an old 26. Really old. I don't...
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Some of my favorite people have the worst things happen to them. I don't know what to do - I can't stand not being able to make it all better for them. It makes me sick that I can't help.

ha. I don't look like this anymore! I got my hair chopped. I think it's lovely. I think I look chic and hi-fashion. No more dead and fried ends that were bleached and dyed back to black. Yes I have naturally black hair and now it exists, sans faux color. So enough about that. I feel stressed in that way you feel stressed whenever you...
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When we dated, he and Mark used to play for hours. Hours when I didn't feel bored or neglected or somewhere else.

I used to sit on that worn tweed couch where he and his ex used to fuck and I loved listening. He could sing, really sing when no one was around. I think Mark and I may be the only ones who know...
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