I think my account on here is going to expire, but it's free so I don't really know......... 
If I leave it has to be because I chose to, because I would make that decision 100 times over. That's it.
Ask for advice and you may not get what you expected.
My brain is upside down again. I always expect to wake up one day and for everything to be clear. It never is.
He insults me, little darts that aren't meant to hit or hurt anything. They do. They draw our class lines.
Mother's Day is a little painful this year. Starting to imagine what'd be like to say at 50 that I never had any children. Starting to feel a nugde towards wanting them. It's ok, he reassures me that feeling will go away when I'm away...
Read More
Mother's Day is a little painful this year. Starting to imagine what'd be like to say at 50 that I never had any children. Starting to feel a nugde towards wanting them. It's ok, he reassures me that feeling will go away when I'm away...
Read More
That bracelet on my arm is my absolute favorites bracelet ever but it's not mine, I don't know what it's made of and I cannot find another one like it 
It's like a hard substance (like those jade bangles but has other colors in it.) It's my friend's - she just lets me borrow it.
It's like a hard substance (like those jade bangles but has other colors in it.) It's my friend's - she just lets me borrow it.I slept like 14 hours today. That's way too much.
You cannot quit things even if you find that you don't like them once you've decided you're no longer a quitter. This is a conundrum. It makes me make a face like this. Wouldn't want to be viewed as unstable or immature.
And just like that routine washes back over me. I'm trying to explain something to you, something that's bothering me, something I need help with and you're plucking at that guitar while I talk. The strap is around your neck and you're holding it as I attempt to explain something to you with which I need your "design expertise". I want to smash the thing....
Read More
Read More
So you picked up your guitar tonight and this time I didn't sit in a different room. I watched you and listened to you again. And no, it's not the same. You're better and somewhere in all these years, I hadn't noticed. And you told me about music and I was laughing so hard I fell off of the bed. There is so much I...
Read More
Read More
Ramblings:
You almost ran over a groundhog and watched in devastation as it searched for a safe place to rest. My heart hurt because you are that sensitive.
Genuinely and truly.
I told you we would change, that I would change and I have. You have. You are a striking man. I never tell you this. Absolutely beautiful. Physically, a tall, lithe partner. Your pale...
Read More
You almost ran over a groundhog and watched in devastation as it searched for a safe place to rest. My heart hurt because you are that sensitive.
Genuinely and truly.
I told you we would change, that I would change and I have. You have. You are a striking man. I never tell you this. Absolutely beautiful. Physically, a tall, lithe partner. Your pale...
Read More
monsvalentine:
After reading what you wrote... I thought I would share some lyrics I co-wrote ages ago.
There ought to be a town somewhere named for how I feel
Yeah I could be the mayor down there and say Welcome to Sorryville
It wouldnt be on a map no where, you might say that it dont exist
But if you make enough wrong turns, Itd be hard to miss.
There ought to a bridge somewhere they could dedicate to me.
I'd probably come to the ceremony with a can of gasoline.
Walk on over to the other side, where I'd light a match.
Sit and stare through the smoke and flames and wonder how I'm gonna get back.
Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark.
I need your love but I break your heart.
And I know the words thatll bring you back.
But I dont say nothing as I watch you pack.
I had to work to become the jerk I've come to be.
It aint easy being me.
There oughta be a side show act for freaks like me.
I could be the star of the show with my name on the marquee.
In a room with a big red button that says danger do not touch.
Twice a day I'd mash it down and you can watch me self-destruct.
Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark.
I need your love but I break your heart.
And I know the words that will bring you back.
But I dont say nothing as I watch you pack.
I had to work to become the jerk Ive come to be
It aint easy being me.
[Edited on May 07, 2006 9:45PM]
There ought to be a town somewhere named for how I feel
Yeah I could be the mayor down there and say Welcome to Sorryville
It wouldnt be on a map no where, you might say that it dont exist
But if you make enough wrong turns, Itd be hard to miss.
There ought to a bridge somewhere they could dedicate to me.
I'd probably come to the ceremony with a can of gasoline.
Walk on over to the other side, where I'd light a match.
Sit and stare through the smoke and flames and wonder how I'm gonna get back.
Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark.
I need your love but I break your heart.
And I know the words thatll bring you back.
But I dont say nothing as I watch you pack.
I had to work to become the jerk I've come to be.
It aint easy being me.
There oughta be a side show act for freaks like me.
I could be the star of the show with my name on the marquee.
In a room with a big red button that says danger do not touch.
Twice a day I'd mash it down and you can watch me self-destruct.
Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark.
I need your love but I break your heart.
And I know the words that will bring you back.
But I dont say nothing as I watch you pack.
I had to work to become the jerk Ive come to be
It aint easy being me.
[Edited on May 07, 2006 9:45PM]
huck:
this is really powerful stuff. autobiographical?
I am really at a crossroads in my life and I'm struggling to make decisions. There isn't really anyone to ask for advice. "Everyone's got an angle." (Irving Berlin) I don't know what I am to do. I'm looking for signs. I'm not looking for the easy way out - I'm looking for the right way out but I still don't know up, left, sideways,...
Read More
Read More