If you understand the SCA, you'll appreciate this. If not, you might still find it amusing.
The Anachronist Manifesto
1. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a LARP. Quit trying to make it one. Leave the fucking ELF EARS, VAMPIRE FANGS AND COLORED CONTACT LENSES at home.
2. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a SCI-FI convention. So YOU-- the moron in JEDI KNIGHT garb-- use the FORCE and contact your buddy in STARFLEET and have him beam your sorry ass up.
3. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a COSPLAY convention. So YOU-- the idiot dressed as ROURONI KENSHIN with the NARUTO headband-- GET THE HELL OUT.
4. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a VIDEO GAME. So YOU-- the VIDIOT fighting Florentine with a BUSTER SWORD and a fucking KEYBLADE-- GET OFF MY BATTLEFIELD.
5. UTILIKILTS are NOT garb. They aren't even an ATTEMPT, let alone a REASONABLE one. They belong in the mundane world. Don't give me the "Well, if they had canvas, they'd have made kilts from it," routine, either. To believe that justifies your argument would mean that if I pulled a .45 ACP and shot your ass, I could justify it by saying that if they'd had them they'd have used them, and you wouldn't argue. You KNOW you would. For that matter, they may well decide to make kilts out of canvas, but they STILL wouldn't have CARGO POCKETS or QUICK-SNAPS. They are still about as period as Button-Fly Levi's 501's. Take your piss-poor excuse elsewhere.
6. Pirates were NOT a romantic ideal. They were greedy, bloodthirsty cutthroats who would KILL you if they thought they would profit from something you have. They didn't go about in polite society announcing and advertising their lifestyle. Think it through Would you advertise a profession whose retirement plan generally included a NOOSE?
7. There was NO fucking PIRATE CODE. See above. This matter is closed.
8. JACK SPARROW would not have survived two minutes at sea. Quit dressing and acting like him. You only look like an idiot. Or a COSPLAYER. See item 3.
9. Courtesans were just sophisticated WHORES. Venetian Courtesans had education, they had means, but they still slept with anyone with enough money. Capisce? If you can't make peace with that, choose another persona.
10. Bards were just BEGGARS with a GIMMICK. They were not revered as a romantic ideal. Sure, William Shakespeare this, William Shakespeare that. Guess what? He was an EXTREMELY RARE exception. You are not Shakespeare. Can't make peace with this? Choose another persona.
11. Bards did more than just SING and TELL STORIES. As mentioned above, they were beggars with gimmicks. If you came up with a way to entertain the folks you were trying to beg coin from, you were more likely to get said coin. Fire eaters, prize fighters, and comedians, as well as mimes, dancers, and jugglers were ALSO bards. Can't make peace with this either? Too bad.
12. You are NOT more period than anyone else. Not unless the garb you are wearing is made from locally acquired free-range and organically raised sources, hand-spun and woven, and hand-dyed with naturally occurring local sources. Not unless all the leather you're wearing is chewed or brain- or urine- or birch-tanned. Oh, and rubber soles? Right out of the question. ALSO, you have been vaccinated and you most likely have all your teeth thanks to thoroughly modern inventions like Flouride toothpaste.
So if you're the type to lord your "Period-ness" over others, guess what? You are no more period than anyone else. Can't make peace with this? Get the hell out.
13. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT real life. The King is King because he beat up the right people. It's all one BIG game of "LET'S PRETEND." It is the most immersive and potentially most EXPENSIVE game of "Lets Pretend" you'll ever participate in, but the payoff is that it's coupled with the coolest and potentially most informative session of "Show and Tell" you'll ever see. The fact is, however, that if you take it too seriously, you're in for a serious reality check. And if you're a "PERIOD NAZI" Your reality check is gonna bounce. End of discussion.
The Anachronist Manifesto
1. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a LARP. Quit trying to make it one. Leave the fucking ELF EARS, VAMPIRE FANGS AND COLORED CONTACT LENSES at home.
2. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a SCI-FI convention. So YOU-- the moron in JEDI KNIGHT garb-- use the FORCE and contact your buddy in STARFLEET and have him beam your sorry ass up.
3. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a COSPLAY convention. So YOU-- the idiot dressed as ROURONI KENSHIN with the NARUTO headband-- GET THE HELL OUT.
4. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT a VIDEO GAME. So YOU-- the VIDIOT fighting Florentine with a BUSTER SWORD and a fucking KEYBLADE-- GET OFF MY BATTLEFIELD.
5. UTILIKILTS are NOT garb. They aren't even an ATTEMPT, let alone a REASONABLE one. They belong in the mundane world. Don't give me the "Well, if they had canvas, they'd have made kilts from it," routine, either. To believe that justifies your argument would mean that if I pulled a .45 ACP and shot your ass, I could justify it by saying that if they'd had them they'd have used them, and you wouldn't argue. You KNOW you would. For that matter, they may well decide to make kilts out of canvas, but they STILL wouldn't have CARGO POCKETS or QUICK-SNAPS. They are still about as period as Button-Fly Levi's 501's. Take your piss-poor excuse elsewhere.
6. Pirates were NOT a romantic ideal. They were greedy, bloodthirsty cutthroats who would KILL you if they thought they would profit from something you have. They didn't go about in polite society announcing and advertising their lifestyle. Think it through Would you advertise a profession whose retirement plan generally included a NOOSE?
7. There was NO fucking PIRATE CODE. See above. This matter is closed.
8. JACK SPARROW would not have survived two minutes at sea. Quit dressing and acting like him. You only look like an idiot. Or a COSPLAYER. See item 3.
9. Courtesans were just sophisticated WHORES. Venetian Courtesans had education, they had means, but they still slept with anyone with enough money. Capisce? If you can't make peace with that, choose another persona.
10. Bards were just BEGGARS with a GIMMICK. They were not revered as a romantic ideal. Sure, William Shakespeare this, William Shakespeare that. Guess what? He was an EXTREMELY RARE exception. You are not Shakespeare. Can't make peace with this? Choose another persona.
11. Bards did more than just SING and TELL STORIES. As mentioned above, they were beggars with gimmicks. If you came up with a way to entertain the folks you were trying to beg coin from, you were more likely to get said coin. Fire eaters, prize fighters, and comedians, as well as mimes, dancers, and jugglers were ALSO bards. Can't make peace with this either? Too bad.
12. You are NOT more period than anyone else. Not unless the garb you are wearing is made from locally acquired free-range and organically raised sources, hand-spun and woven, and hand-dyed with naturally occurring local sources. Not unless all the leather you're wearing is chewed or brain- or urine- or birch-tanned. Oh, and rubber soles? Right out of the question. ALSO, you have been vaccinated and you most likely have all your teeth thanks to thoroughly modern inventions like Flouride toothpaste.
So if you're the type to lord your "Period-ness" over others, guess what? You are no more period than anyone else. Can't make peace with this? Get the hell out.
13. The Society for Creative Anachronism is NOT real life. The King is King because he beat up the right people. It's all one BIG game of "LET'S PRETEND." It is the most immersive and potentially most EXPENSIVE game of "Lets Pretend" you'll ever participate in, but the payoff is that it's coupled with the coolest and potentially most informative session of "Show and Tell" you'll ever see. The fact is, however, that if you take it too seriously, you're in for a serious reality check. And if you're a "PERIOD NAZI" Your reality check is gonna bounce. End of discussion.
but i totally give props for those who do the sca, they are very dedicated, and accurate with clothing, life, etc.