mastercraftsman

There's no quicker way to clear off a crowded dance floor than play some Vanilla Ice, or have my old (and interesting btw) friend Tim R., from Freeland, WA to go out there and fart. We crewed together on a few boats in Alaska, including one Blue Kings gig off St. Matthews that lasted two weeks and yielded $50K shares. Tim possesses a unique medical condition, something to do with his lower GI tract that produces the most noxious of gases you can ever imagine.
Typical day in the great white north- a crew of five out on deck in some dag nasty squall, all of us bundled in orange Grundens. Another fellow onboard is a Mennonite who is dilligent, quiet, and never has a bad word to say about anyone. I see Tim, downwind thankfully, unsnapping his parka and flapping it with a big grin on his face. Ransford, our religious fellow, just downwind of Tim, raised on a farm with chicken, pig, and cowshit everywhere, got the most curious expression on his face. I hop down from the stack and he's muttering something about walking through the valley of evil and praying for strength....
That season we're heading 2500 miles back to Seattle, and Tim's brother is on the Hi Seas operator SSB patch, asking him to come around and help him with a problem when we get in. Seems his brother has this nine month old Doberman that sniffs people's crotches when they come over....

Back on land I check the window operation before getting into Tim's Camaro SS, as he'd been eating broccolli and cheese, chili, and salad for the last two days. I'd been partying hard for those two waiting to fly to Costa Rica until he invited me along. It was eventful.
We walk in with big welcomes, especially from Tuffy, the butt sniffing Doberman, who made his way to Tim, who had been preparing for this moment, literally, his entire life....

Everyone was backing away all of a sudden, and Tim's timing couldn't have been more exquisite. A dog's sense of smell is over a thousand times more sensitive than a human's. It is even admissable as evidence in US courts of law. Tuffy inhaled, seemingly in slow motion as I witnessed something I think no one will ever see so dramatically. That flatulence was not only loud, but powerful. It was like letting a balloon loose. Tuffy staggered back, weak legged like a drunk, and fell over on his side. He began to yak all over the carpet. Heaving, shaking, racking in convulsions, then laying in his vomit, hyper ventilating....
Tuffy eventually made it outside with the rest of us. For years later he never goosed anyone in the ass, and if anyone ever farts, even in the other room, Tuffy runs to the front door, scratching....

Another example. When you wish to meet interesting people, be careful what you wish for....