masseffection

So what's happened since February?

One thing of major significance... My dad passed away suddenly. While I was home. While I was sleeping. I walked by him after he'd died, too. (He worked nights, so I was used to him sleeping during the day when I walked past his bed to the bathroom with the shower...) My life will never be fulfilled now, because I wanted to do so much for him that I'll never be able to.

Quite frankly, losing him has fucked me up. A lot. Not a day goes by when I don't cry or wonder if I had went to give him a hug or something, maybe I would've been able to save him.. or something. I sort of freaked out. Well, I really freaked out. I'm still freaked out. I had to move, so I'm back in Iowa now. I just.. couldn't stay there.

I have a boyfriend now, too. He lives in California, though.. so that's difficult.

I'm also without a job. That sucks. A lot.

I should be used to things crumbling further and further down by now, shouldn't I?