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masierra

Everywhere in the Central Valley of California.

Member Since 2006

Followers 269 Following 409

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Friday Apr 06, 2012

Apr 6, 2012
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I don't know why I write blogs here. I guess I have no where else to vent. I've tried and failed multiple times to keep journals and I don't have anyone here to talk to about personal things.

Since I've been in the military I've had a really negative outlook on life. I don't know how I was able to make friends during that time. Recently, within the past couple of years, I've turned that around and have had a very positive outlook. During this time, I've felt so good. I've been wanting to go out, explore new places, meet new people, etc. But since I've relocated to South Carolina, despite my efforts, it's been going slowly downhill. I've been telling myself that if I keep thinking about the negative, eventually I'll let it consume me. Well, it's starting to grab ahold of me and I'm not sure if I can shake it off.

I have no one here at all. I talk to a few people and I go out every once in a while but I don't really feel like I belong. I haven't really made any kind of connection with anyone, resulting in mostly sitting around the house wishing there were more. I know this is a choice and it won't just come around, that I have to make it happen. The only person I have to talk to about anything is my buddy at work but I make it a point never to call him outside work because he has a wife and two kids (not to mention the troops he supervises which are constantly bitching to him about trivial things). He doesn't need me to top it all off. So this leaves me by myself with only myself and this blog to talk to. I don't mean to be bitch and complain, but right now I don't know what else to do.

On a lighter note, I'll be taking a road trip to Texas tomorrow (about 20 hours) for about five weeks. During that time I'll be taking a class which will be filled with other people. Hopefully this will be a fun time. I usually have a blast in these situations. The last class was in September when I had to take a 6 week course, Monday-Friday. I met a lot of awesome people who I still keep in contact with. But they are all in Georgia, about 3-4 hours from here.

I hope I can turn things around soon because I hate feeling hopeless and helpless.

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