marvel

The Tom Jones Story

It is April 1998. I am almost 18 years old. My grandmother is taking me to see Tom Jones in concert for my birthday....

The first half of the concert is amazing. He sang "What's New Pussycat?" and a staggering number of the audience threw their panties onto the stage. I toyed with the idea, but I was wearing my favourite black Mickey Mouse bikinis.

During the intermission, my grandmother and I went into the lobby and had a glass of wine at the bar. I was feeling pretty darn grown up. There is this huge, winding staircase that goes up to the balcony seating - I notice my grandmother looking thoughtfully at it. "What would you do if Tom Jones came walking down those stairs?" she asks me.

"Oh, um, well, I'd probably run up to him, tell him I'm a big fan. I'd probably ask him for an autograph, too" I reply.

"Well, if I saw Tom Jones walk down that staircase," my grandmother says, "I'd probably tackle him and sit on his face."

Ladies and gentlemen, my grandmother.