It's almost summer. I used to love summer.... time off of school, bathing suits all day long, running through sprinklers, raiding my grandparents' garden for pea pods & chives. That was a long time ago though, that was back home. Here, the onset of summer means bleached, crispy grass; it means weather too hot to do much of anything but sit indoors. It's so different out here.
I'm a frigging mess lately. Today... tonight... has just been all tears.
* I don't know what I want in life
* I don't know who I am (I think I do for a minute, but then I agree with my ex and don't really know who I am)
* I know I don't want to be alone, but relationships scare the crap out of me
* Planning scares me, but I like doing it... I like to know what I'm living for/towards, and right now, everything is so up in the air
* I'm jealous of my ex - of the time he spends doing fun stuff (and the people he spends time with)... I wish I had that... I wish he had spent time like that with me
* I'm overwhelmed at the responsibilities I face when he leaves...
... I'm so scared.
I've always felt defective, unlovable for some reason or another. It hurts. Sorry this is so emo, I just don't really have any other outlet for crap like this.
Here's a question for you... how did you find yourself? Do you have any suggestions for someone looking for themselves? (aside from a "Lost" poster, that hasn't worked grate so far
)
Rokko is also weighing heavily on my mind... if you have a moment, go drop some love on her blog - she could really use it. Of course, this stirs feelings about our poor LuxFrog... making me feel like I should be doing more to help people feel loved and needed and all that good stuff.
Take care everybody
I'm a frigging mess lately. Today... tonight... has just been all tears.
* I don't know what I want in life
* I don't know who I am (I think I do for a minute, but then I agree with my ex and don't really know who I am)
* I know I don't want to be alone, but relationships scare the crap out of me
* Planning scares me, but I like doing it... I like to know what I'm living for/towards, and right now, everything is so up in the air
* I'm jealous of my ex - of the time he spends doing fun stuff (and the people he spends time with)... I wish I had that... I wish he had spent time like that with me
* I'm overwhelmed at the responsibilities I face when he leaves...
... I'm so scared.
I've always felt defective, unlovable for some reason or another. It hurts. Sorry this is so emo, I just don't really have any other outlet for crap like this.
Here's a question for you... how did you find yourself? Do you have any suggestions for someone looking for themselves? (aside from a "Lost" poster, that hasn't worked grate so far
)
Rokko is also weighing heavily on my mind... if you have a moment, go drop some love on her blog - she could really use it. Of course, this stirs feelings about our poor LuxFrog... making me feel like I should be doing more to help people feel loved and needed and all that good stuff.
Take care everybody
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
Finding your path through life is a challenge we all have to face. But it is also this challenge that makes life interesting. If we all knew for certain what we wanted and how to achieve it, life would get pretty dull after a while. A short while. Planing for your future is always a good idea. You should just be prepared to improvise when things don't go the way you planed (or when you feel like blowing off responsibility to go have some fun instead
Just remember to wear sunscreen.
Best advice on life EVER!