martyr13

ok...
so my best friend here in town...
the other apprentice...
the only guy who really understands my poverty and hunger and the hard work and all the ragging i get at the shop...
is leaving...
he is moving off to another state...
north carolina..to be exact...
and it sux...
i hate it...
we had a party cuz he was leaving...it was more like a wake....
i am really suprised that i didn't get wasted as fuck and miss everything else that i was supposed to do....
he will be missed, its hard to lose family for me.

so...
today i hurt. it appears to be hurting all over...
even though it isn't for real or forever...
i feel rifts beginning to gain momentum in my world....
i really used to love that word...
"momentum"
but as it snow balls...
you begin to see the destruction it can plague you with...
i will begin to dislike that word for a while...
until i hit an upstreak again...
so to fill in the blanks...
mark is....
alone ...but in love...
loved...but alone...
broke...but happy
happy....but could really use the money
but...mostly the alone part is all that makes me cry at night...
i miss you honey.....
please come home soon.

the solutions are clear....
"dammit mark, you gotta want it more..."
the little voice in my head goes off and say to me...
"hey man...it ain't like you can get any more broke than nothing..?"
that guy speaks the truth....
i am getting another job...in the day....
and continuing the apprenticeship...although the day job will through me back...only god knows how far...
but i have hopes and dreams that will not soon be squashed.
i will probably even get a night job to....
feels really jamacian right?

it kinda is...
there is an expression for the white indentured slaves of the civil war and post civil war era...
the term is..
"po buckra"
no shit...and that guy...is me....
i'll see you all after work...
if that shit ever ends...
but the upside is...
she bought a ticket