Sunday Apr 13, 2003

0
mad mad mad

i had the pleasure of spending from 1pm till about 6pm standing on the front lawn with a half-deaf police officer.

see the thing is, apparently the fucksticks who moved in across the street are unable to drive properly.

i get up at 10, fuck off for a few hours, and get ready to go to the store. walk outside, damn its a nice day and damn im in a good mood today.

unlock car, open door (creaking, grinding metal) OW FUCK SHIT HIT MYSELF IN CHEST WITH CORNER OF CAR DOOR.

mystified as to why my door wont open, i look at the front quarter panel.

instantly, good mood is gone, nick turns homicidal. i stand there for a good 2 minutes, staring at the crumpled fender and drivers side door. i turn around and notice that im parked right across from my new neighbors' driveway.

being so very mature, i kick the car door the rest of the way closed, and scream at my cousins who were trying to talk to me about some stupid shit or other. this prompts my uncle to come out and he yells at me for swearing loudly.

at this point, and this is the part that just KILLS ME...

the fucking retards BRING THEIR CAR BACK AND PARK IN THEIR DRIVEWAY. the lot of them (5 or 6, though by the this is over with its more like 20 or 30) all look at me and seem rather paranoid. im sitting on the sidewalk waiting for the slow Akron PD to show up and file my fucking report so i can get on with my day.

no such luck.

2 hours later the idiot cop shows up and takes my statement. my aunt points out to the cop that their car has a

BIG

BLACK

FUCKING

STREAK

ON

THE

BUMPER

amazingly the color of my car; despite the fact they obviously just had it washed. the cop agrees that it is a strange coincidence so he goes to their house and gets one of them in his car.

blah blah blah blah blah blah at the end he got the cocksucker to admit he did it.

ok cool, so its gonna be over soon.

HAHA NOT LIKELY

cops still around taking notes and shit, so i went and got some food. i come out and theres a big gang on the street, great. im such a manly man i hid in the backyard and made dora move my car for me. she says the guy was trying to get her to get me to say he didnt do it.

not gonna bother pointing out he had already admitted to it.


so anyway... thats why im praying for a
NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST
in 5 minutes.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
tao1:
so, a guy I knew in college had that same crippling handicap that you do, and we were in the student center one day, and he said something about someone across the room, and I said, "who?" he said, "the guy in the red shirt over there." I said, "there isn't anyone with a red shirt on over there." "yes there is, he's right there." "no dude, there aren't any red shirts in here that I can see." at this point he jumps up and waves his arm wildly and points directly at some poor shmuck and yells, "THAT GUY, RIGHT THERE, WEARING A RED SHIRT!" I said, "neil, that's a black shirt." you'd think someone that was color blind would be less determined about declarations of color.
martini2:
blow me, mr tao.

i still insist the bg to this site is blue but GLAUGHAUGH nate mocked me so.

not nate you, nate artifex.

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