marsmars

Greetings, knaves! It is I, your master, come to survey his domain. I apologize for any disturbances I might have caused to your planetary atmosphere last night. I had several attacks launched from space on your pitiful earthly military installations. Do not be frightened. My forces always do this before I colonize a planet.

Yes, the rumors you have heard are true. This is also the procedure pre-empting sterilization. But rest assured, I haven't convinced myself that you are all that unworthy quite yet. So I will spare you, for now.

I leave among you one of my finest personal agents, the Lord Inquisitor Hasselhoff.


If any of your planetary population gets out of line, I have authorized him to use full and unadulterated force to subdue! He will also act in my absence as chief administrator, making laws and decrees as he sees fit. Please treat him as you would treat your own master "The Left."

That is all.