markbousfield

After two days off I feel like I have somewhat returned to normal.

The stress of the previous few weeks has subsided to an extent and I can look at the next project, phew! A connection with another friend has changed slightly over the last week or so too, not sure what happened but we seem to be very close physically all of a sudden, typically for me she is an older woman, foreign and an artist. The only part of my usual 'type' that she doesn't fit is that she isn't blonde (Iranian!).

After the last debarcle I'm keeping it very much at a distance in some ways but it's nice to know that someone is there even if it's not ever going to be something romantic in the traditional sense. I'm not sure if I can cope with that again at the moment. I don't seem to be capable of getting to know a girl and getting over that hump where friend and girlfriend collide, where your feelings develop and somehow you find that there is some kind of mutual attraction and acceptance not just a friendship going places it had no business to go.

I find myself very distracted in that I guess I do want a person to be close to I just need them to not need me and be happy on their own, not to make demands of me and vice-a-versa. Does a woman like that exist? Some one I can just hang out with as a friend as well as a lover. If not then there's always the job at Pinewood I could take which would destroy my social life all together but make me rich and successful.