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marginwalker2002

San Diego

Member Since 2004

Followers 64 Following 62

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Tuesday Jan 30, 2007

Jan 30, 2007
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Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
Let's start over


Except that there is no starting over for 'us'. There is only beginning again without her. No do overs, no mulligans. Life isn't like that. I wish it was, but I must move on.


Edited to add this: A story I started some time ago and I think its time I got back to it.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


I can't believe that in a world such as ours, a world of technological overflow, a world of sprawling city states housed within mammoth archology buildings, a world where every acre of land is used as some pseudo-religious shrine to the electron, that a place like this actually exists. In the three weeks I've spent in Elk River, Idaho, I have seen deer, bear, birds I can't begin to name, and more trees in one place than I could have ever conceived of.

And it's the trees I've really come to appreciate. The way the birch bark peels, like a bad sunburn. It just does something for me. Like its shedding its layers to accommodate new growth, dropping pieces of itself to feed its own root system. I remember finding an old computer. The thing was ancient, like 20th century ancient. Had an actual monitor, keyboard and a damned disk drive. Seriously, a disk drive. Nothing as simple as voice recognition or neural interfacing. Nothing. Anyway, there was this game on it. All text, called "Zork" or something. So, I figured I'd play around with it and give it a try. It bothered the hell out of me. Typing things in just weirded me out and I got frustrated. Really frustrated. I typed "eat me" in a fit and the game tells me "autocanabalism is not the answer". It made me grin. I see this tree and I think to myself, maybe its not the answer for me, but it sure seems to be working here.

So, birch trees are sprinkled around, autocanabalizing is you will. Then there are pine trees dropping their little needles like peanut shells on the floor of some throwback western bar. You also get a smattering of aspen, some elm, and probably some maples or something. Right now though, my favorite is the oak. They're all over. They throw shade all around like some huge green umbrella. The wood is strong and looks good in both table and chair form. Much better than those preformed, injection molded, plastisteel things that pass as furniture these days, that's for sure. Oaks also make great platforms for elevated hunting blinds. I've been up the trunk of a few in the past few weeks. All great reasons to have such a tree around. But, at the moment, I'm most inspired by their ability to stop a bullet. Or several dozen of them coming at high speed in short bursts.

The last ten minutes or so have been a little hairy. Three juiced up goons have been taking pot shots at me over a small piece of merchandise I was paid to acquire. These three goons, coincidentally, have been paid to reacquire it from me. Didn't bother to ask nicely, no attempt to wine and dine me, nothing. Kids are so unprofessional these days. There used to be four guys. One of them, a tall guy with a bad suit and worse skin, tried to stop a small piece of hollow point lead traveling just at just the other side of the speed of sound. Problem is he used his face. Not very effective and messy as hell.

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
niobe:
smile
Jan 31, 2007
radiofrank:
Thanks for the call, good sir. I shall return the favour at my earliest convenience.

I like the bit of story that you've shared with us, too. Very cool.
Feb 2, 2007

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