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Outside smoking a cigarette and midnight and everything seems so clear to my eyes and ears.

The crackle of power transformers overhead joined by the crunch of gravel as a woman walks her dog across the street. The sound of a squirrel rustling through the tree in my neighbors yard. SOmewhere I can hear a TV.

The stars dim and flare in some cosmic dance...
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missfire:
What are you, the sphinx?? Ummmm.... Lemme guess...a postman! No, a garbage man! What do I get now? A trip to heaven? An autographed copy of Snow Crash? We are sooo going out for coffee when I get home.
mrflickwood:
Ummm...not to be mean, but how can be outside smoking a cigarette and listening to the sounds outside and typing on your computer at the same time? Is this a little bit of what they call poetic license, or did you move to the driveway? Just got a big extension cord and a power strip and took all your possesions outside? If you didn't, man you got NO BALLS to live outside the house. Under a tarp or something. Dude, it could be like one of those fundraisers where somebody lives on a telephome pole to get money for whales with cancer. Only you could get money for your own place. HAHAHA what a gas, but I'm just kidding.
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no balls



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Well. All I can say is that it's over. We tried for a long time. mayeb too long. But it's done, the curtain is going down and the lights are starting to dim.

I've finally found the strength, the courage, and enough love of self to cut it off. I'll love her forever, but it will have to be as friends from now on.

Wish...
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bbkaro:
Hey -- as one who has been there, I can sincerely say that while some things will never feel quite right... things do turn out for the best. I know that sounds somewhat cliche, but it's true. Best of luck.
parisambrosia:
shocked Good luck with everything....I must say that in just the past month you seem a little stronger..... smile
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I'm running blind. Not sure where I'm going, don't know where I'll end. I just hope it's not a dead end.
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peggy:
Lesson One: Most people suck. It's sad but true.

People are too worried about themselves to stop for one minute to think about someone else. Seriously.
peggy:
Good for you!! And if it doesn't balance out, that's fine too. Because you are a caring person regardless and you deserve what you can get.
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Well, things continue to see-saw with L. We're still working issues, but things are on a slow slow slow upswing.

In the mean while, someone new has entered the picture. Little Ms K has completely caught me off guard by being one the most honest and amazing people I've ever met. I'm completely crushing onthis girl and loving every moment with her.

So, life is...
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niobe:
Very cool. I hope you have a great time with your friends. I am glad you are getting out and having some fun. smile
niobe:
Thanks. blush



YOU ROCK!!!!! Po tat oes!!! smile
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Happiness, it seems, is fleeting. I'm no where near where I was before, but I've slipped back into a mild depression. Issues with my wife have improved, communication is improved, but emotions are difficult to deal with. Pain still lingers in my heart and has decided to grip a little tighter.

I lie awake nights and wish things were better. I wish that I could...
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niobe:
Hehehe. That was cute. tongue
evilwillow:
1) What do I want to know: When are you coming to San Diego to enlighten my soul with your presence?
-as soon as my ruby slippers get back from the shop.

2) Do I remember: No , dammit, I don't! How could I have missed something so incredible!?
-you obviously don't pay close enough attention.

3) What you need to know: I'm a cool mutha fucka trapped in a hopeless geeks body, that I can change the color of a traffic light simply vy staring at it long enough, and that girls with orange / multicolored hait are ranked high on my "oooh, sexy" list.
-word.




tongue
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Well, things are on the mend. This has been the first time in a long time I can remember being happy for longer than 15-30 minutes.

My lovely wife, L, and I have done alot of talking and soul searching (as well as soul baring) and become much closer. Our relationships with each other is slowly improving and it feels good. I'm honestly beginning to...
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peggy:
Cedar Point was crowded though.....I say hit the beach instead!!!!
peggy:
I have never had a sunburn. Always tan. Which sucks this summer because I'm actually trying to stay pale.
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Well, back again. I've just been lurking a bit and posting a little here and there for the past week. I'm living with a friend and his fiancee while my wife, L, and I try to work things out. Things are going ok I suppose. I met a couple of new people and they're plenty cool. Folks just to hang out with, smoke a few...
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peggy:
HAHAHA. I am a 1:05er.....who told you what it didn't mean?
peggy:
You are too cute and funny.
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Well, after today, I may be around a little less for a while. Today is the day my wife and I start our seperation. frown

I'm not feeling very good about it, but I think it has to be done. My wife, L, and my two beautiful kids will be gone for the four day weekend and I'll be hanging out at a friend's house for...
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need2xcap2:
happy belated birthday!!!

kiss
peggy:
Happy Birthday (sorry it's a day late)!! You weren't here anyway...LOL.

Seriously, I hope things with you are improving. Remember you can always e-mail or IM me.
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Sorry, haven't been around much. Between life and work, I've been a bit busy and pretty much drained physically and emotionally by the time I can actually sit down at my machina.

Work, almost over. School and more fucked up boring ass Navy training, about to begin. Relationship? Who fucking knows. Not me, that's for damn sure. I've never been so conflicted, confused and plain...
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missfire:
You know I just said that so Mr. Flickwood doesn't suspect anything..... kiss
sweetavenue:
I'm sorry things are working out for you, sweetie. Just try to keep your head up, okay? And feel free to vent away here, that's what these journal thingees are for. kiss
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Strange day...

This morning was another huge blow up. "This isn't my problem, it's yours" was thrown at me, then more 'discussion' followed by "I think we should seperate"... Fuck me running. I lost it. I went off. Things were ugly. I left to go fix my car (bad fan motor leading to overheating engine, no biggie, and it gave me time to cool down)....
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magni:
Wow...been there...I'm finally getting the dust off, after going through "the worst" outcome imagineable, the one I was always trying to avoid and worrying about, "divorce". Its been almost 5 months now.

We stayed friends and I got a lot of closure that way...a hell of a lot actually! I've been lucky that way.

However...it should never have happened.

Its sounds like, with you, she is confused about who is to blame, or who is an obstacle, for something, and that's why separating appeals to her. To just work on her own issues. Its actually easier to handle your own stuff on your own but its a terrible option and could take longer than the time frame when you still have the opportunity to put things back together. Thats what happened to me.

Nobody is a bad person in mine and the love is real. But issue-resolving-timeframes dilated and we couldn't hold it together. We had to keep confronting the issue everytime we went home. I wish we had done a marriage sabbatical..separate vacations...if it was early enough it might have helped who knows..but I didn't even try that.

EDIT: subject clarification.

[Edited on May 21, 2004 5:56AM]
daddyx:
Bonjour. Que Pasa. Wie Geht's?
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Not much to say right now... Things are what they are.

About the only thing interesting was that today I founf out just how god awful heavy armor is... I'm borrowing a set of armor (leg grieves, gauntlets, full arm bracers, helmet, shoulder plates, and brigandine over armor) to go off to war with. Memorial Day weekend I'll be fighting at the Petrero War here...
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shera:
howdy
peggy:
Hey sweetie, hope things are going well for you at home! It was another beautiful day and hopefully you were able to enjoy it!! kiss
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Okay, new day, new entry. Well, on the relationship front things are improving. There's been more talking, more understanding, and more, well, 'intimacy' if you will. *ahem* Anyway, I've been talking to my good friend and went out to have a few drinks . He's only in town until the 15th and then I have no idea when I'llever see him again. Well, he gave...
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peggy:
Sounds interesting.....but all I really need is my heart back. frown

He posted to some of my friends and yelled at them for what they said to me and then he did this big journal rant full of lies about me and finally changed it.
missfire:
I'm glad you're having fun with OJ, tell him I said hello. And remember that I heart you, too, so if things don't work out we can finally get rid of MrFlickwood and get down. Great jorb!! (I said that on the phone today by accident. Jas is still making fun of me) EL SUICIDO LOCO