So I've spent the last few days binge watching a show on Netflix called "13 reasons why". The show is very emotional and really hits home with a lot of issues. It's about a girl in highschool who decides she can't take it anymore and kills herself, but before doing so, she records 13 cassette tapes of reasons why she's doing it. She leaves them behind with instructions for people to listen to the tapes and the 13 people who gave her the reasons to kill herself end up listening to the tapes....regardless, if you haven't watched it, please do.
With me saying that I'd like to put myself out there and talk seriously for a second. The show made me think about a lot of stuff including past things I've gone through. Many of us , as humans, deal with struggles that make us sometimes feel that being around anymore just isn't worth it. I'd like to say it is worth it! You're worth it! Many people will miss you and care that you aren't around, even if you think they wouldn't.
In highschool I was picked on daily, beat up daily and treated completely terribly. There were days I begged my mom to homeschool me or I'd fake sick so I wouldn't have to go to school. And what's really ironic is the stuff I was picked on for is stuff that is now "popular" and all the people who picked on me are now into those things....such as Star Wars, comics, video games. I was called names and even had literal shit thrown at me. Trust me when I say that I had those days where I felt me not being around would be for the better. I struggled with keeping friends or making friends because I was "weird" and a "nerd." I was always alone. My best friends were my computer and at the time playstation. I never had sleepovers in highschool or went out to parties because I was never invited. And there was a day where I decided enough was enough, but my fate was decided by mother nature and she decided it wasn't my time and I was saved. I spent a week in a mental institution working through my problems and depression. My family supported me and never judged. But it was wake up call for me. I realized that I needed to not care about what other people thought and fight my own fight. The day I went home became the day I changed. I promised myself I would have a more positive outlook on life and try not to let the little things get me down. Of course I get salty or frustrated with daily things, like any other person but I've never been depressed like that again. Suicide was never an option for me after that.
I know many people here have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and I want to put myself out there and say I am here to help if you need an ear to listen. I would never judge you or make you feel down. Hell, if you just wanted to send me a message just to talk and not have me respond, that's fine too. I'm a great listener. I know sometimes you feel trapped and feel like you have no where to go but I can tell you that SG has some great places to go, even if its private messages. There is a group for depression where you can discuss with others who are also feeling the same way, so you at least know you're not alone. And of course messaging someone, even a stranger is sometimes the best way to let things out without feeling like you're pulling anyone down. Sometimes friends and family are just too close to you and having a stranger listen is better since they are an outside source. They don't know anything else about you and can't judge. Family tends to not listen, and while you're trying to talk to them, all they are doing is just thinking of a way to respond, rather than actually listening.
If you need a safe place, a friend or someone to just listen....if you feel trapped, unwanted or lost...I want to tell you I am here for you. I can relate, I will listen and I will NOT judge. And I know many others here will do the same.
You are not alone. The struggle is real but it is possible to get through it!! I am living proof!!
This blog may seem out of place or strange but I know that so many people are so afraid to talk about such issues in fear of being judged and so many people suffer in silence and I want to make sure those people know they aren't alone and that someone at least out there cares.....even if I am a stranger.
SG is a safe place, we all care and so many people don't realize that this community is so much more than naked ladies.
Love you all
xoxox
Mara
