Hello!
This article was written by Sarah Silverman for VICE magazine. By far one of the funniest things I have ever read in a magazine so I thought that I would share the love with you all.
Enjoy
NO SHIT: The Truth About Female Defecation
I have never gone to the bathroom. Sure, I have peed. Ive tinkled like an adorable puppy, like a pretty ballerina. But never the other.
Im just lucky that way. I have never been mad enough to take it out on the bowl. What did it do to ever deserve such punishment? Why would anyone give such a clean white porcelain friend such a beating? I wouldnt. I dont. My asshole is as pink as the day I came out of my mothers vag. You could eat off of it, and some have ew! Dont be a pig. I dont mean that in a sexual way. I mean hungry homeless children. Did you know there are more homeless children in America than homeless adults?! Thats what this piece is really about that and my immaculate asshole.
MY IMMACULATE ASSHOLE. Say I go out and have a big meal at a nice restaurant. I may have an appetizer, an entre, often desert, and coffee to make it complete. Maybe Ill unzip my pants. Undo my top button. I may even go to the bathroom and pee out that coffee. But anything else is the doing of the Lord. The food I eat may be digested, it may even turn to waste, but before anything turns brown, God or maybe Jesus himself magically takes it from me, and, I can only assume, brings it to heaven.
SARAH SILVERMAN
This article was written by Sarah Silverman for VICE magazine. By far one of the funniest things I have ever read in a magazine so I thought that I would share the love with you all.
Enjoy
NO SHIT: The Truth About Female Defecation
I have never gone to the bathroom. Sure, I have peed. Ive tinkled like an adorable puppy, like a pretty ballerina. But never the other.
Im just lucky that way. I have never been mad enough to take it out on the bowl. What did it do to ever deserve such punishment? Why would anyone give such a clean white porcelain friend such a beating? I wouldnt. I dont. My asshole is as pink as the day I came out of my mothers vag. You could eat off of it, and some have ew! Dont be a pig. I dont mean that in a sexual way. I mean hungry homeless children. Did you know there are more homeless children in America than homeless adults?! Thats what this piece is really about that and my immaculate asshole.
MY IMMACULATE ASSHOLE. Say I go out and have a big meal at a nice restaurant. I may have an appetizer, an entre, often desert, and coffee to make it complete. Maybe Ill unzip my pants. Undo my top button. I may even go to the bathroom and pee out that coffee. But anything else is the doing of the Lord. The food I eat may be digested, it may even turn to waste, but before anything turns brown, God or maybe Jesus himself magically takes it from me, and, I can only assume, brings it to heaven.
SARAH SILVERMAN