mandalic

Life Cycles

she realized
she wasn't one
of life's winners
when she wasn't sure
life to her was some dark
dirty secret that
like some unwanted child
too late for an abortion
was to be borne
alone

she had so many private habits
she would masturbate sometimes
she always picked her nose when upset
she liked to sit with silence
in the dark
sadness is not an unusual state
for the black woman
or writers

she took to sneaking drinks
a habit which displeased her
both for its effects
and taste
yet eventually sleep
would wrestle her in triumph
onto the bed

she was nervous
whe he was there
and anxious
when he wasn't
life to her
was a cruel cruel joke

played on the livers
she boxed her life
like a special private seed
planting in it her emotional garden
to see what weeds
would rise
to strangle
her

-Nikki Giovanni