mana

I went off by myself again.

Bought some chocolate mocha cigarettes... and the chain smoking began.

I picked out a place by the river... slipped off my flip flops... and put my feet into the cool water...

I read some "inspiration sandwich"...

And watched the river roll by...

And I noticed the waves of the river... I let my feet move with them... and against them... it was wonderful...

I let my mind calm itself... and tried to think of nothing but the water moving beneath my feet.

And I realized... that life is like the waves rolling up against my feet... running up hard as can be... crashing against the wall and fading out like nothing...

And love, too, is the same way... I don't want me and dave to be those waves... I don't want us to crash and fade...

Then I got up and went walking about a half a mile or so into the park, admiring nature and people... barefoot...

I crossed an old man, fishing underneath a bridge... he asked me to smile... and I couldn't.

I saw a child... walking with his parents... his father reached for his hand, because he was walking near the edge... and he pulled away and continued to walk on his own... I smiled.

I picked some white flowers, and put them in my hair... and then I stood over the bridge and watched the reeds wave with the current beneath the water's surface...

I want to be his... more than anything...