mamazuma

My children's mortality just forced me to aknowledge itself. I am still shaken up.

We were at the laundromat, since our asshole landlord wont fix our washer. My youngest (age 2,) my wild card, went for the door. when I saw him, he was just outside it, I yelled to him to stop and started to run to him. He looked at me and took off toward the busy road. I ran as fast as I could as I watched him step off the curb between two parked cars. My heart stopped.

i grabbed him just as he reached the end of the parked cars. Picked him up and put him down on the sidewalk. And just yelled at him. He cried and I tried to tell him how scared I was and NEVER NVER NEVER run away from mommy or go near the street.

I feel like my heart is still not beating right and it's been almost two hours. I hate to think what could have happened. I feel like it was my fault. But I just don't have enough hands or eyes to handle three kids and fold the laundry.

That's it. I am going to let them pick it up, wash and fold and drop it off. Who cares if it's more money.

I need a to go now and take a few deep breaths.....