mamathunder

I'm constantly going back and forth
from acceptance of my little man's disease,
to anger and frustration over being so powerless
today I"m angry, today I'm frustrated
I'm tired of nagging him to slow down,
I'm tired of seeing the bruises and the blood
I'm tired of seeing the fake smile because he wants
to hide the fact that he's lonely and misses school
I'm tired of answering "how's freddie" eventhough it comes from
a place of love caring and concern... I just want it all to go away
I"m tired of feeling guilty for hating this disease.. because it could be so so so much worse
I"m tired of spending every friday in a children's cancer clinic
looking at all these tiny beatiful people fighting to survive...and thinking to myself "WHY????"
I'm tired of not being able to cry
I'm tired of being the tough chic who doesn't let anyone know that she's hurting
and now it seems that i've passed that on to my little jedi son

SO THIS WAS NEGATIVE... AND WHINY.. AN I'M SORRY FOR THAT.. BUT I SURE AS HELL NEED TO VENT SOMEWHERE........
this just happened to be the place today----I'll make up for it with something light and flaky
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr