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mamafirefly

A magic sea of dew...

Member Since 2007

Followers 63 Following 60

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Monday Dec 10, 2007

Dec 10, 2007
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I live in Chicago. I live here because its an awesome city and the four seasons here are beautiful. I also love winter snow, its pretty and makes the days seem brighter (literally brighter, it reflects light) when the sun stays in bed. But you know what I don't love? Ice storms! Fucking freezing rain falling from the sky for hours, coating everything in ice!
Maybe if I had a garage to store my car I wouldn't care so much... but I don't! skull It took me almost fifteen minutes to chip my car out of the 1/4 inch (no joke) ice home it was residing in. Super crappy.

So I am seeking advise. I need advise because I am feeling an emotion that I've never had before, the dreaded jealousy. frown
A bit of backround info: I've had two past real relationships and they were both long term. I've had a good ending (we're good friends now) and a bad ending (he stole lots of money from me then cheated) but I continue to have faith in relationships. The guy I'm with now is great. I could honestly see myself being with him for a long, long time (we've been together coming up on four years now).
About a year and a half ago, I got ants in my pants. I felt like we'd become too comfortable with eachother, we were acting more like room mates than lovers and I wanted to go out a couple times a week without him. Thing is, every time I'd go out, he'd call about every 45 minutes or so to check up on me. It was sweet and irritating all at the same time. Then the group of friends I hung out with were no longer able to hang out anymore because of one obligation or another (work early, moved, whatever). So I'm a homebody again, and he loved it.
Fast forward to this summer, the guy who taught my guy to tattoo moved back into town. Suddenly Greg is going out two or three times a week, and I'm not invited. And, the two guys he hangs out with the most both cheat on their wives. I actually once asked if I was invited to hang out with them, and he specifically said "no".
I know part of the reason I'm upset is because I'm not invited, but I get that. He is hanging out with work people, and I'm not a part of that. If I was hanging out with a group of people who were my friends (not his) he wouldn't be invited either. I also very strongly value the importance of getting out without the ol' ball and chain when you can. Then why does the un-invitation sting so much?
So, I'm jealous. I am NOT usually a jealous person! I actually have never felt the emotion like this before. I don't know if its because I'm not ready for the relationship to grow this way, or if I am being untrustworthy of him because of the people he is hanging out with, or if I actually don't really trust him (there is no reason for me not to, hes a good person), or what?
I'm actually in such a crazy-girlfriend mode that I brink on being mad at him for going out. And when I go out without him, he is all I can think about! When will he call? And when he calls I'm going home to see him.
Its insane!!!! eeek
I HAVE NEVER been the crazy, jealous, posessive bitch described in the above paragraphs. I just want to be me again. I can't figure out what is causing all of these feelings, and I want them to go the fuck away.
PLEASE tell me there is somebody out there whose been through this, I need a road map. puke

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