mamabunny

I hate feeling like i've made a horrible mistake. Those mistakes that swell and rise up in your throat and the realization of it is momentary and blinding and sickening. A mistake that in that moment you feel it has stained you, set you back in some way, changed the core of who you are. I'm almost positive realizations like these can be counted on one hand in a persons lifetime. They are introspective, haunting, motivating, inspiring of the whole spectrum of emotions all at once. Anger, Sadness, Denial, Love, Hate, Apathy, Action, Jealousy, Dissent, Ignorance, Wisdom. These realizations demand and deserve respect. They beg for your attention, eat at you until you say, 'ok! what now?' Its a moment of complete vulnerability, and strength. "I feel, therefore i am." I used to tell one of my dearest friends that all the time. Thats the way i've always seen it. Thats the way i understand it. There is a slight feeling of Catch-22-ness that accompanies the calm prior to the dopamine and seratonine flooding your brain screaming 'You are alive! Do you feel........This!?' It steals the ever-lovin breathe straight out of your soul only to give it back in a millisecond and say, "Just kidding, get your dumbass up and figure this out." I'm sure i can explain a lot of things about these realizations. One thing i will NEVER understand is why the memory of something always feels more intense than the actual making of. What is it about us that makes us yurn for the more rapturous and celestial version of our own demises? I spose its all pretty obvious, but totally illogical in every way.

Well, i'm finished ranting about how i fucked up. On a lighter note prior to this crappy,vomitous mood, today was rather a damn good day.

http://www.redpoppyfestival.com/















I cant remember exactly what order i posted those fotos. I'll just do a run-down. I got my face painted. I finally! got my Emu jerky! Ok all those animal lovers, dont freak out . I cant help that Emu jerky tastes so yummy. I also got some Emu lip balm, a membership to join the Williamson County Posse(wtf?we have a posse,) a jar of garlic pickles, and a jar of sweet garlic jalapenos. The last picture makes me giggle. A couple days ago i went into to Starbucks with my Scarlett scarf and went around talking like a southern belle. I mean, these people know who i am, i'm in there almost everyday. So today, i went in and got my usual, was driving around and realized the girl had written Ohara! Now, i so did not tell her to write that. I sure love how everyone plays along with my totally made-up personality. I mean really, like what other 21 year olds DONT have a made up personality based on a post- Civil War character? They all just call me Scarlett. Yesterday i went in as myself and the guy ringin me up was like "uh....hmmm.... you were in yesterday right?.....Scarlett?" and i say "oh, uh no dude, have no clue what youre talking about." he hollars at another employee "say Chris, wasnt she in here the other day?"
"yep. yep she was."
He leans over and says, "its ok, we're still fans."

I felt like the biggest nerdface dork ever. But i also leave laughing hysterically.