mamabunny

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This afternoon after i got back, i picked my little sister up from school. She likes to act all tough about missing us, but i know she did; and i really missed her too. Usually she doesnt talk much, to us. She's at that super emo phase. "how was school?" "it sucked" "why did it suck?" "just cause, it sucked." And thats about the extent of that. But i always still ask. Today she was in a pretty good mood and was just chattin me up. During this chat, i had an epiphany. She was talking about some girl she goes to school with and how much she absolutely adores her etc etc. She said, "oh yeh, Katie is so great, she is totally someone im going to know for the rest of my life." I almost interjected, but something stopped me, and i let her keep talking. I really wanted to say 'oh La, you dont know that. people will come in and out of your life, serve their purpose and thats that.' Maybe i thought i would be giving her some knowledge, some forewarning about life after high school and how extremely different things will be and how much people change. I've always felt that the knowledge from one's personal experience is the greatest gift you can give someone else. An essential truth about people is that no one bonds in their perfection. We bond through our weaknesses and our struggles. My life is an open book. I dont edit the things i dont like about it. If you ask, i'll most definetly tell you. I am this way solely based on this truth. But amazingly, in a millisecond, i questioned myself, and this leads into another truth. Innocence. Once its gone, its gone. This is a tough one because their are so many facets to it. Sure, i could have told her how i felt on the subject and she might have not even listened, or just insisted she knew for a fact she would know this girl forever. I'll never be 15 again, and Lord knows i never want to be, but i stepped inside my 15yr old mindset and was able to remember how i saw the world. Sure, i had had my share of life experience but in my mind, there was really no time limit to anything. The absolute truths in my life were in arms reach. I think, and if im correct, almost positive, that every human being goes through a time in their life, whether it be 10, 15, 30, 60, where they are completely and totally alone, or at least feel that way. It takes something from you, but if you are lucky, it most definetly doesnt leave you empty. I think this realization of being alone, steals a persons innocence. And maybe its not stealing. I mean, is something that is inevitably going to be gone anyway, stealing? Maybe i didnt say anything to her because shes never experienced this, and wouldnt understand. Maybe i was relishing if only for a moment in her innocence and her naive little heart. This has become such a huge rant, but this has just got me thinking, about lots of things. And anyway, when i was her age, i never took anyones advice, im too stubborn for that, i always had to learn on my own. and I dont think many young people do. Its just this never-ending cycle of the generations. So, sure honesty is a great thing, but is there such a thing as being too honest? or too honest for ones own good, or someone elses? I feel old. I'm going to Toys-r-us.



ps: I love Mexico! Whos gonna come visit me when i marry a mexican and become a mexican resident......hm? hm? hm? I'll be sure to have a super sweet pad on the beach n stuff. Its totally dirt cheap to buy there. Maybe i'll have a house in Newport Beach, Austin, and Isla de Mujeres. I should start playin the lottery. Too bad i find gambling pointless.