malloreigh

art is not for other's sake, but for your own. if not a burst of flame, then maybe a gentle candlelight. its all very relative. do what comes out of you, it doesn't matter what it is or who appreciates it, as long as you have output, then you are doing something. if sadness burdens your every step, make art that is sad. its allllll relative

You seem to be really hard on yourself in finding some sort of meaning or purpose, and to stop from doing nothing. While I am with you that these things are important, don't forget there are other things that are just as important. I think you're probably doing better than you give yourself credit for.

I often wonder to myself why I'm trying to learn a new task. Because I pretty have to force myself to do anything, and I do get angry at myself for not being one of those people who (for example) can pick up an instrument and love playing that instrument so much that they'll never want to put it down until they learn it. No, I have to focus and make myself practice. It's discouraging, even if I sometimes like the end results. Normally when I finish a school project though, I don't feel that sense of accomplishment, I don't feel proud, I just feel glad it's done and I don't have to deal with it anymore. So I wonder why I'm doing it in the first place.