Thursday Apr 05, 2007

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i went through a bunch of photos today and finally sized them and posted them. i don't want to go through the trouble of uploading them all here but here are some select favourites that you might find interesting, as people who are on a naked girls website. i am not naked in any of them, but some of them have my face, and it, generally, is naked.

my new roommate is beautiful and has told me i can take photos of her sometime. i really want to get a fixed 50mm lens and maybe some other fixed lenses (28mm too?) and then i will take amazing photos of beautiful girls all the time. straight from me to you, baby.

from january...







fuck i have a lot of photos of myself. don't you guys ever get tired of looking at photos of girls? don't you girls ever get tired of looking at photos of yourselves? or of just having so god damn many? it makes me feel... weird.

i am having a bit of an identity crisis, i guess. i used to be totally okay with this internet life i have, this online semi-celebrity cyber identity, but i'm growing more and more tired of it... and almost ashamed that so much of who i am seems to be represented digitally. i've always felt like the "real", tangible, physical me was suffering so my online self could flourish.

like lain, i was losing myself in the wired. but... it has always been me. i've always been so involved in this binary code existence as an escape from what was lacking in my day to day life. i always wanted more and more because it was something i could control, i could dominate... something i could excel at. something i understood.

now i'm not sure where i belong.



i feel like i can't have a real life and an online life. i can't have both. it's one or the other for me, it's got to be one of those extremes. maybe, and this is what i hope, maybe once i can leave it all behind - once i am no longer attached to it by this fucking umbilical cord that's obligation and duty, then i can be a casual user again. i can update my journal, answer my email, and live my life. like a normal person.

but that time is not right now. i just don't want to - or, more properly, i don't know how to sacrifice one extreme for the other. i need an escape, and i need someone to help me. i need some guidance.
VIEW 25 of 50 COMMENTS
odette:
batman or bruce wayne..... both learned to coexist.

When you feel yourself spread too thin, focus on what you love, what is necessary. The essence
evermansice:
I do, occasionally. At those times I swing by every now and then to take a look at the regional groups, but rarely look at the sets unless they look like something I would/are from someone I particularly like. It's rather weird at those times because I'm paying money for it still, and I wonder or not I will continue to do so, but then, something, whether in the site or in me, turns around by the time rebilling comes around. Still, when I reach a point similar to what you describe, I put myself in a completely different environment. Usually I suffer from the physical equivalent, so I pick up and go somewhere else, somewhere where I have no life already put together. Once there, as I start to put a life together for myself, it becomes clear what parts of my life really mattered to me. Putting myself together in such a way lends an odd sort of perspective. I remember hearing once that Michelangelo said if you take a sculpture and roll it down a hill, what remains is what was essential. The rest can be done without.

My advice to you, then, is to leave the cyber-world behind for a while. Go on hiatus and work to put together a life away from the electronic habits you've know and see where that leads you. Cold turkey isn't the easiest way, I know, but it works the best.

Also, naked faces like yours are preferred to naked bodies. I probably sound like I'm flattering, but I'm being perfectly honest. Naked ladies with masks is just not a kink I subscribe to...unless, perhaps, you're wearing the mask from the second picture. What can I say? It's an awesome mask.

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