maleficentmoi

What they don't tell you, of course, is that you'll hate it at times. Marriage is a stupid thing when scrutinized. People in general value their private time and enjoy things that, duh, make them happy. So, why get married? Relationships are all about compromise and sharing and making time together valuable. Also, it's about loss, sacrifice, and neglect. Any relationship has its pain, no matter how good it can get. Nature teaches us to avoid pain, yet, we pursue it all the time. Consider your diet. Enough said, right? But, in affairs of the heart, another phenomenon exists: animals can die of a broken heart. The will to live can be undermined so resolutely that the heart gives up. It's a form of self-induced shock; suicide, even. Yet, we don't give credence to the strength of bonds between people. We shrug and say it is a natural thing. Possibly, but we still develop forms of self-defense in our relationships. Weapons of mass destruction involving silence, cruel words and heartless actions. Pain swells and we feel empty and starved. Still, we pursue it... Again and again a heart can be consumed by hatred's flame or frozen solid by indifference, but once it seems it has recovered to the best of its ability, we run it through the gauntlet again. And again. And a-fucking-gain. In my weaker moments, I don't see why we do it. In the stronger moments, I don't even consider it. You have to lose it to ponder it. Or, perhaps worse, fear losing it. When is life most precious for most people? When they narrowly escape Death's embrace. I love my kidneys. I am aware of them. Why? Because they've brought me great pain. Maybe that's like a mother's love to her child? Pain through living. Is that the crux of relationships, then? If it were all roses and happy times and rounds of laughter, would the value diminish? Like the fear of the grave, does fear of losing that person who has your heart make you... try? Or, should I say, try harder? One step forward and two steps back... One step forward and three steps back... Maybe that's the solution to the riddle, enit? Or, maybe there is no satisfactory solution, thus all the divorces. Life is what you make of it. Death is just the end of what you've made. In relationships, it isn't the direction you're going in, but rather understanding why you are going in that direction. If you don't like where you're going, if you don't like the scenery, or the people, or the landmarks, then stop. It's that simple. Then, choose another direction you think would help the relationship. It isn't magic. It isn't chance. Like our many, many steps towards Death, we know how things get bad in a relationship. In both cases of life and relationships, only Death should end it. That's all... I'm pretty low right now, but it's okay. I understand how I too have allowed this to happen. So, I will try to change directions. Pick a different path. See if I can enjoy the scenery for once. There's precious little else I can do.