I chew my toenails a lot. I like them because, unlike my fingernails, they're sturdier and longer. Gross, huh? Well, it's going to get worse. I use these toenails to "floss" my teeth. I treat them like streamlined toothpicks, specifically set for my gum lines. I do it obsessively. One time, I think I had a toenail in my mouth all freaking day. I'm not exaggerating. All day! It was sick. Still, my latest visit to the dentist got me rave reviews about my gums. They looked so good that the oral hygienist complimented me several times. Fortunately, she assumed I flossed a lot the traditional way. You know, with waxed string? I don't think I would've told her the truth if she'd asked for my secret for taking care of my gums so well. What's interesting about this odd habit of mine is that I recently read an interview with Chuck Palahniuk, and he said that he liked doing the exact same disgusting thing, except with his fingernails! I flinched when I read it. Creepy... Well, Mr. Palahniuk said that the habit stems from his need to feel a little pain. Upon further consideration, I must admit that I enjoy the little pain that flossing my teeth with my toenails brings me. So, what the hell does that make me? Well, not a famous fucking writer, I can tell you that much. Still, I thought it was a neat thing that I can relate to with Mr. Palahniuk. Neat and disgusting. 