malapert

so what's up people...i'm kinda outta it right now...i just got the shock of a fucking life...my kelsey decided that she doesn't wanna be with me, and she doesn't know who she is or what it is she wants, so i guess we're not gunna "get married" or go to cali, or any of it...i don't know if i should be ok with it, tho i told her i was, and that she needed to take her time and figure it out on her own, or if i should be depressed about...i mean i don't know if i am ok with it, but if it's what she needs to do, then she needs to do it, but that still doesn't mean i have to like it right? wow...i feel like such an ass...

she said she didn't wanna end up being like christy...not being around for me when i wanted her there, but i mean she has her whole family stayin with her for the holidays...i mean it's her, her 2 sisters, one of her sister's husbands, their 2 kids, her dad's home from the army, her g-ma, and her mom...and probably more than that...and they have 5 room 2 bathroom mobile home...with 9 people...she doesn't get sleep, and i wish i could be there for her and help her out, but everyone knows i can't...she doesn't even get her own room, i dont even know where she sleeps at night...her sister and kids took her room, so i guess she sleeps in her other sisters room...not to mention they have like 3 dogs but they stay outside...so i can understand how that could change your mind. but wow, i just feel so stupid, i mean i thought i knew who she was, but she didn't even know...so now i just feel like the biggest asshole ever, and i don't even know what else there is to say... hope you get this far, to read this past the whole Kelsey deal...i just wish she knew what she really meant to me...

later ppl