makebelieve

Haven't updated in awhile. Blast.

I've been saying "blast" a lot lately. I am not so sure why. I'm also not sure how I feel about this "Cassie Suicide". Novel idea, no pun intended. But seriously? There are so many girls out there trying to get their sets up and a cartoon gets it? Ok, comic. You know I'm a comic fan, got the Buffy season 8 goin on, but really? Oh well. That's my opinion on that.

Still don't know where I'm going to live. Possibly with my sister again since she's been evicted.

I had some crazy dreams last night. One entailed me meeting up with Britney Spears and her mom, convincing her she needed to move back home and get out of hollywood. Then there was the dream where I was trying to protect this older woman from the weird black guy just chillin in her house. Most disturbing dream was the sex dream though. I will admit, I rarely have sex dreams. And when I do, they aren't usually with anyone I know or like. But this one, was extremely explicit, very real, and very much with my ex. I guess it makes sense, I've been thinking a lot about him lately. It was his birthday Tuesday. And I've done some horribly regrettable things here lately, and it makes me think of the other horribly regrettable things I have done in my life. And what I did to him tops the freakin list.

I don't know. He has a girlfriend, he lives 5 hours away. My friends would tell you he was no good for me. It was a co-dependent relationship. I was in love with him for five years, and a part of me will always be. We rarely talk. But he calls me when he's on his way to an internship interview with a BMW racing team, totally out of the blue. I guess he still thinks of me. Nothing can be done. I need to find someone new. I just keep hooking up with the extremely wrong guys. I'm lonely, and always start missing him when I get lonely. Because he was the only guy who ever really loved me. Ahh enough whining. I've got a fun day planned and I'm going to go hang out with lesbians and not think about guys, ha.