makebelieve

I haven't had a cig since Saturday night, or Sunday morning, whichever you prefer. My nails are about gone. I keep sniffing my fingers (don't be gross) looking for that sweet tobacco smell. But it is not there. But the thought of lighting a cigarette makes me feel ill, so that is what stops me! That's exactly how I quit the last time (not to mention the insanely horrible flu that prevented me from doing anything other than vomiting water I tried to drink for 3 days straight). Anyway so smoking is done. Again.

I guess Josh tried to jump out of my moving car saturday night. I honestly don't remember why. I remember him accusing me of being in love with him which I think his crazy bitch ex girlfriend Emily put in his head. EVERYTIME she comes around, we end up having this horrible fight that ends in me driving aimlessly and drunk away. Being that I'm not remotely interested in dating him or having any kind of relationship with him, this time is just a big disappointment. Mainly because I was just trying to be his friend, he constantly talks about how me and Shelley are his only good friends, how Emily and her group of people are no good for him, yet he then constantly goes back to her, ditches me and Shelley for her. And she's one of those people who thinks she's the shit, but NOBODY can stand her, all I hear is everyone talking shit about her. She's fake and crazy. But hey, she's all he's got now. I don't care. He also tried to tell me Shelley thought I was crazy and was texting him all night talking shit about me. Which confirmed by her was NOT true.

I think we fought because he wanted me to drive him to Emily's and I refused. I tried to explain to him, he got pissed and jumped out of the car. Makes it sound like I'M the crazy one. I'm not jumping out of vehicles. I was just driving his ass home like I always do. He's too fucked up for me to fix. I'm tired of fixer uppers. I just wanted to be a good alternative as a friend. But he's insanely selfish. He got pissed the other day when me and Shelley had plans to go to Target, he hopped along because he wanted me to buy him some beer, and then expected us to drop him off at another bar while we shopped. Like I was his taxi service? He got pissed because I was WORKING and wouldn't leave work to come pick HIS ass up and drive HIM to work. He thinks he needs some kind of anxiety medication. I think he needs INTENSE therapy and possibly rehab.

But what I think is irrelevant because I don't care anymore. I'm not doing a damn thing for him anymore. Ahh I need to sleep. It's my last day at the big store tomorrow. Transferring to another one. Less stress. Hence the easier it is to keep with the not smoking!!