I guess you all are right. I should just quit him cold turkey. Well, I guess it's not really cold turkey since I haven't talked to him in 11 days. No more contact. I'm sure he'll pop back in at the most inconvenient time, he always does. It's just hard when I'm so lonely, and the one person I had to talk to every day is gone. It's not that I invest all my energy into that one person either. I talk to people at work daily, I'd love to hang out with them, but they have boyfriends, kids, and it's hard for me to approach people about hanging out. There is nothing I can do to change that. I hate to look despirate. I hate to be vulnerable, I fear rejection constantly. I don't know how to act. I'm intimidated by people. I don't know how I started talking to Chris in the first place. I actually don't remember meeting him. Real or not, he was my best friend. Maybe it was all a lie, maybe he never cared about me at all. I just want everything cleared up. I don't know what lies Angela has told him about me, anything I've said or done. And if he won't call me, I can never explain myself, get the truth out. Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he cares too much. I don't know. I guess I'll never really know. It is just too hard for me to let go. I crave his attention. I was never that girl, I never depended on a guys attention. But now I do, I guess cuz I never had it. I was always single. Then Andy loved me, and I fucked it up. For Chris. Not on purpose. I was confused. I never got to sort out my feelings either. And once I did, it was too late.
I am tired of writing blog after blog about him. But seriously, I can't talk to my friends about it. It's going to be all "I told you so" because how many times has he made me cry since September? It's not fair. I don't want to wallow. I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy. I want to have friends. My sister is gone for a month and now it's me and my cat, for four weeks. Hopefully I'll get to go to Steveneurotics birthday party on the 2nd. It seems the SG people are probably the best chance I have for friends.
Although, these will all be Charlotte people, so once again, I won't have anyone here.
Maybe I will move to Chapel Hill
I am tired of writing blog after blog about him. But seriously, I can't talk to my friends about it. It's going to be all "I told you so" because how many times has he made me cry since September? It's not fair. I don't want to wallow. I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy. I want to have friends. My sister is gone for a month and now it's me and my cat, for four weeks. Hopefully I'll get to go to Steveneurotics birthday party on the 2nd. It seems the SG people are probably the best chance I have for friends.
Although, these will all be Charlotte people, so once again, I won't have anyone here.
Maybe I will move to Chapel Hill
And where was I? I was out drinking (you're not drinking alone if you are at the bar, especially in this town)