Ok time for me to rant since I have not gotten a phone call yet.
Things are starting to get to me. I've been working very hard to get better. I take my meds, go to therapy, I've been working at changing my thought patterns. Whatever. I go to work, I love my job. I love the people I work with. But today I go to work and my co-worker tells me that my boss thinks I'm slow. Not short bus slow, as in I work slow. WTF??????? I am great at my job. I work my ASS off. I always have, at every job I've ever had I've been the best. My work ethic is incredible. When I was unemployed I was MISERABLE. It shouldn't bother me so much, I've been trying not to let it bother me, but it offends me to think that my boss doesn't think I'm good enough. Maybe thats an exaggeration. No one else thinks that way. I've only been there, almost a month. I've had 6 years grocery experience, I know a lot about the system. And I KNOW I'm not the slowest person in my department. In fact, I am always doing everything, thinks I am not even supposed to do. I try so hard, I always have. I guess I just have to keep proving myself over and over and over again. He'll figure it out.
Another thing that makes me mad is my therapist telling me I need to join groups to make friends. I don't make friends too easily. I'm a huge introvert, I'm friendly. I talk to people at work all day, they're great. Everyone in Asheville is so nice. But I don't want to force friendship by joining some group. I'm not a group joiner. I feel like I'm in middle school again, just hoping someone will ask me to hang out, do something. getting excited about just being talked to. I miss my friends in Greensboro. I'd just started hanging out with them again before I moved. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn't stay there, and I sure as hell couldn't have moved in with my parents again. I'm sure it will get better eventually. Just now that I have gotten some sense of normalcy in my life, the rest needs to start falling into place.
Plus, I've become too used to having a certain person to talk to every night, and I'm afraid I'm getting too dependant and I'm probably just setting myself up to get hurt again. I again am trying not to think that way. But I can't help it. Well I don't know what to think about anything anymore. Here I go again...second guessing myself. My life. Here's my theme song, what I'm going to go into my room and sing until my voice goes.
Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough for you
Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming, but I feel good
and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good
enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too?
so take care what you ask of me
cause I can't say no
-"Good Enough" by Evanescence
Things are starting to get to me. I've been working very hard to get better. I take my meds, go to therapy, I've been working at changing my thought patterns. Whatever. I go to work, I love my job. I love the people I work with. But today I go to work and my co-worker tells me that my boss thinks I'm slow. Not short bus slow, as in I work slow. WTF??????? I am great at my job. I work my ASS off. I always have, at every job I've ever had I've been the best. My work ethic is incredible. When I was unemployed I was MISERABLE. It shouldn't bother me so much, I've been trying not to let it bother me, but it offends me to think that my boss doesn't think I'm good enough. Maybe thats an exaggeration. No one else thinks that way. I've only been there, almost a month. I've had 6 years grocery experience, I know a lot about the system. And I KNOW I'm not the slowest person in my department. In fact, I am always doing everything, thinks I am not even supposed to do. I try so hard, I always have. I guess I just have to keep proving myself over and over and over again. He'll figure it out.
Another thing that makes me mad is my therapist telling me I need to join groups to make friends. I don't make friends too easily. I'm a huge introvert, I'm friendly. I talk to people at work all day, they're great. Everyone in Asheville is so nice. But I don't want to force friendship by joining some group. I'm not a group joiner. I feel like I'm in middle school again, just hoping someone will ask me to hang out, do something. getting excited about just being talked to. I miss my friends in Greensboro. I'd just started hanging out with them again before I moved. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn't stay there, and I sure as hell couldn't have moved in with my parents again. I'm sure it will get better eventually. Just now that I have gotten some sense of normalcy in my life, the rest needs to start falling into place.
Plus, I've become too used to having a certain person to talk to every night, and I'm afraid I'm getting too dependant and I'm probably just setting myself up to get hurt again. I again am trying not to think that way. But I can't help it. Well I don't know what to think about anything anymore. Here I go again...second guessing myself. My life. Here's my theme song, what I'm going to go into my room and sing until my voice goes.
Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough for you
Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming, but I feel good
and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good
enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too?
so take care what you ask of me
cause I can't say no
-"Good Enough" by Evanescence
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Don't worry about what others think. If you know you have a good work ethic then fuck the person that said that the boss thinks you're slow. That's not really a friend telling you that anyhow, that's someone that wants to fuck with your head or something.
Anyhow, If you're worried about it and know you have a good ethic, then you know you are a good person. If you didn't care that you were slow and actually fucked off purposely, then thats a different story. Don't worry, you sound like a good person.
Buffy and Angel rock.
You just do what you do and hold your head high. This will sort itself out.bably with the fuctard getting fired and you being recognised.