makebelieve

UGH. Ya know, I haven't been on here long at all. I've been on myspace forever. But none of you know me, not yet anyway. And thats somewhat refreshing. So I can vent. Although, there is someone (and if he has found me hes reading this right now anyway). So on myspace I get all my judgemental friends, love them, but I like talking to my therapist about these things the best, or to myself, or to a bunch of strangers from around the world. I dunno. It all comes down to this string I'm on, or not on. I'm so afraid of my feelings. I wish I could wish them away. But I can't. And I assume he knows how I feel but I can't be sure, and I can't vocalize it because I don't want to scare him away. I feel like a teenager again. Aren't these things supposed to get simpler as we grow older? Course, I've known this person since I was a teenager so it could just be me going back to how I felt as a teen. Right now, I'm in love with a guy who is like my best friend, more than that though, who I also get to have amazing sex with. Not that I'm on the market for a boyfriend, just these feelings are making me want to explode! Or implode. Who knows. Well. If I'm lucky, he'll read this and I won't have to say a word. Or he could just disappear. I hate being scared. Blah. Oh well. I'm gonna go make some lil smokies. Good rant folks. Good rant.