Well, I talked to R, and we agreed that we won't have any further contact for a while unless she talks to her therapist and they both feel like it's acceptably healthy for her to call me.

I said I'd call on her birthday (end of next month), so at least there's an outer bound on the silence. Moreover, it's known and decided, which helps me a lot at dealing with it. There's no more suspense, for now. I know she still loves me, I know she realizes I feel likewise, and we both know that this is what's best for now.

Further, it's reassuring that the main thing I called to apologize about (my long-cherished but ultimately misguided chase after J) was one of the main things she'd come to realize wasn't healthy in her first therapy sessions. Hopefully the acknowledgement from me that it was wrong will help her in some small way, or at least show that I'm capable of learning something from all this, and that if we give "us" another shot, things will be different.











...of course, the catch? It's now firmly established that if we are going to be romantically involved, I'll have to move to Ithaca. Too many of her issues arose from the intermittant nature of our long-distance relationship.

Oh yeah, and I've vowed that it's time to put J out of my life. I hate to do it; it's not her fault that I fell into this obsessive love with her, but it needs to be done. At the least, a lot of things are going to have to change.