maitresinge

The Longest, Most Rambling Journal Entry Ever

I am continuing to add pictures. Or take pictures, at least. I still need to install the camera's software on my machine, so I haven't transferred any of them. Likewise, I have been a lazy bitch about scanning at work, which is at least partly because I am a lazy bitch about stuff in general, but also because I'm not sure what I'd say if I were caught using the office scanning machine to scan a photo of me slapping some girl in the tits, or dressed up as Batman, brandishing a turnip.

These are not, how you say, professional things to do.

Anyway, I am gratified to report that I am once again on speaking terms with E (whom you can now see in the People folder). I have IMed back and forth with her, and she no longer answers me solely in monosyllabic words. I even get little kissy-face emoticons, which continue to disgust me as a concept, but at least indicate that she's not mad at me.

In fact, I feel like I'm on good terms with all my girls: E's talking to me again as noted, I called Rina last week and we spent a couple hours on the phone discussing politics and theory, I've seen J reasonably often (usual musings on her below, if you're not too sick of hearing about her to read them), and Dwen and I are planning a trip to Vietnam! (That's due to be in mid- to late April.)

This, plus the fact that I have finally started to hang out with my old friends from high school who live down in SS near me, means that I am probably more social lately than I have been in years. Of course, I'm an introvert, so it's a bit exhausting, but it's good to meet some new people down here, especially considering that they have attractive female friends. I went to their Superbowl party last night, and spent part of it talking to a cute brunette, and next week is a birthday party, which will be attended by at least one good-looking woman (whom I remember from high school). Now that there are actually girls (plural!) that I find attractive, I can try and solicit phone numbers without needing a 100% success rate, so that's certainly good.

As for J, I've begun to get the sense that she's giving me little "relationship tests." She'll mention some hypothetical situation involving us as a couple from time to time, and I get the distinct feeling that she's gauging my reactions. There have been two of these in the last two times I've seen her (one apiece), which, coincidentally, would be since she finally decided to end it with her current boyfriend. I've been honest, although that involved giving at least one answer she didn't want to hear: that I am not moving to fuck-off nowhere, west MD. It's a nice town, but there is no economy. Considering that at least part of her interest in me is that my job makes me able to provide for her daughter, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for me to throw away my career and move out there and be just as unemployed as her current boyfriend, or severely under-employed at best.

I love how we're about a year out of synch, though. Early last year, I could easily have quit my life here and moved out and just had a family with her. I propositioned her, and she turned me down about as flatly as I've ever been rejected. But now I've been promoted at my job, and developed a social life here, not to mention hurting Rina's feelings over her, which was really the end of my serious interest in a long-term relationship with her [J] (I loved her, but not enough to hurt others I love) and she throws around hints that she thinks I'd make a decent husband and father for her child. Well, one thing we agree on: love's not enough by itself. Sometimes the stars just aren't aligned, and things don't work out in a relationship everyone thought seemed like a good idea.

You know, I almost transferred to UMD College Park. Sophomore year, I was pretty dissatisfied with Boston College, and I was thoroughly in love (the childish, melo-dramatic kind) with this girl I hardly knew who went to College Park, so I was thinking about switching over. Considering that that's where most of my high school friends went, and that I'd have been in much closer touch with J, makes me wonder how different my life would have been.

Because, you know, when I need to get up early to finish something tomorrow morning at work, obviously what I should be doing at midnight is speculating on alternative continuities.

That's reponsibility, Holmes!