Here we are again.
Standing on the edge of the window, looking down. I sigh. It hurts.
My hands become fists and I feel a scream dying in my throat. I can't scream. Too loud. My room-mate could hear. And I don't want anyone to hear. Except for myself.
« Can I, at least, sit with you ? »
Her green eyes are friendly. Realy different from the blue eyes I was expecting. I was fearing. I was hoping.
-Clara... I don't know what to do.
I feel the weight of my words as they come out of my mouth. I feel the expanse of my doubts. Suddenly, the void enderneath me becomes so present I feel as I was falling. My hands grap the walls, my body shakens. I see my alter ego wavering.
-Do I have to feel so empty ?
My voice is so low I can hardly hear it. I'm obsessed by the obscurity I can see below. Half afraid, half fascinated. I can't look anywhere else. I desperatly try to think on something else, but my mind is empty. Always so empty.
« Talk to me, then »
As I focus on her, the void seems to become a little more distant. I calm my breath down.
-Why always here ? We have our house, now.
She leans her head.
« I guess this is our window. To the four of us. A window to our night. Our shadows. What do you think about that ?»
I notice I can almost breath normaly. And I can move my eyes. Look at the sky. I sigh. Deeply.
-I guess you are right.
« Here, you can scream as much as you want. Noone else but us will hear you »
I catch myself smiling.
-Then, I am nether alone.
I pause. Thinking. Then smile again.
-Do you realize as funny it may look ?
Again, she leans her head. Then smile.
« You are never alone. Because you have this window. This window, where you can always be alone»
-Noone else but us will hear me.
I smile at them. I smile at us.
I smile at me.
I am nether alone.
(pics by Fredo Moutoussamy)
