menotyou's email did turn out to be my long lost friend. As promised...all hail eris...menotyou is a god among men with a foot long schlong and the dreamiest q-tip i know. He makes my naughty bits quiver, and all should bow down to his awesome internet stalking skills and irresistible hotness. 
Here is a typical Discordian Initiation. The priest will ask:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING?
The Initiate answers YES.
2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF?
The Initiate answers YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?
He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT?
The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.)
Then everything generally degenerates.