There have been so many times in the last year where I've felt I've tried my hardest. I've pushed myself on new things, I've stopped doing things I shouldn't and I've passed the tests I needed to.
But no matter how much I've put in on some things I've still failed. And I'm suffering because of it. I hate failure.
I always want the best and I strive to achieve that. I keep putting the effort in and when I don't see results I question why. Then I try again.
It's when I keep putting the effort in, keep grinding myself down and still never getting anywhere that I get dispondent. And right now that's how I feel. Alone, despite all the things I've achieved.
I know it'll change. One day.
But I feel I need to allow myself a moment to break down and give in to the pain that makes me feel so angry. Just for one second stop pushing. Stop trying. Just give up and start again.
But no matter how much I've put in on some things I've still failed. And I'm suffering because of it. I hate failure.
I always want the best and I strive to achieve that. I keep putting the effort in and when I don't see results I question why. Then I try again.
It's when I keep putting the effort in, keep grinding myself down and still never getting anywhere that I get dispondent. And right now that's how I feel. Alone, despite all the things I've achieved.
I know it'll change. One day.
But I feel I need to allow myself a moment to break down and give in to the pain that makes me feel so angry. Just for one second stop pushing. Stop trying. Just give up and start again.