Esme is disappearing...and while it has been 9 months for me 6 of them were spent enjoying her company and sharing SG as an arena to explore our sexual-social-political selves.
Initially she helped me through a very difficult time. Our first few months I couldn't help but share some immense pain with her. For which she was there unconditionally.
Imagine that. This bright young kid, sexy, sexual, funky, talented, and yes wise, holding me on occaisions.
Anyway...I didn't ask to be this way but I had exposed my emotions a little while before to my x and had gotten seriously threatened instead of understood. There was just a place of trust that we hadn't bridged when we married. Mistakes happened. It was a while ago now. A body in the water under the bridge.
All this has come to pass. What about the future? Will I stay on SG? Will I ever be poly again? What else am I looking for here? Friends and just friends? Believe me there are more questions than just these but I won't get too personal.
I can tell you this. Though I am often threatened by it I am intensely interested in the female sexuality, psychology, and social experience. The way strong women have advanced provides me with useful clues on how I can better myself as well. Things like never be ashamed of your body. Be with who "you" choose to be with (yes I was a relationship slut somehow). Basically observe your rights, morality is dictated by your right to desire and its responsibilities, and then only secondly the manner in which you observe that right.
I just watched "Live Nude Girls Unite!" a documentary about the only strip joint to unionize. Really it was a peep booth establishment. Though understandably it was not an ideal occupation for a hetero relationship, but aside from that, and that they weren't working using their minds, which they could have, there was not much else degraded about these women, any more than I am, for working at a loveless job, anyway.
They refused to be ashamed. They took the money. They fought for fair treatment.
Honestly I don't know how I got to a place where I would be having these thoughts but here I am. Appearantly I wasn't making a 20 year old journey for nothing (roughly the age of my sex life). Jeez thats a long time. And yet the information I am getting now about my sex life is fresh and new.
I can understand if SG looses its "tittilation" factor but for myself, the point in which it does, it becomes even more interesting to me. Paradoxical that way.
And I'm still working on myself..telling myself "its okay, its okay".
what kind of man will I be in the end?
Initially she helped me through a very difficult time. Our first few months I couldn't help but share some immense pain with her. For which she was there unconditionally.
Imagine that. This bright young kid, sexy, sexual, funky, talented, and yes wise, holding me on occaisions.
Anyway...I didn't ask to be this way but I had exposed my emotions a little while before to my x and had gotten seriously threatened instead of understood. There was just a place of trust that we hadn't bridged when we married. Mistakes happened. It was a while ago now. A body in the water under the bridge.
All this has come to pass. What about the future? Will I stay on SG? Will I ever be poly again? What else am I looking for here? Friends and just friends? Believe me there are more questions than just these but I won't get too personal.
I can tell you this. Though I am often threatened by it I am intensely interested in the female sexuality, psychology, and social experience. The way strong women have advanced provides me with useful clues on how I can better myself as well. Things like never be ashamed of your body. Be with who "you" choose to be with (yes I was a relationship slut somehow). Basically observe your rights, morality is dictated by your right to desire and its responsibilities, and then only secondly the manner in which you observe that right.
I just watched "Live Nude Girls Unite!" a documentary about the only strip joint to unionize. Really it was a peep booth establishment. Though understandably it was not an ideal occupation for a hetero relationship, but aside from that, and that they weren't working using their minds, which they could have, there was not much else degraded about these women, any more than I am, for working at a loveless job, anyway.
They refused to be ashamed. They took the money. They fought for fair treatment.
Honestly I don't know how I got to a place where I would be having these thoughts but here I am. Appearantly I wasn't making a 20 year old journey for nothing (roughly the age of my sex life). Jeez thats a long time. And yet the information I am getting now about my sex life is fresh and new.
I can understand if SG looses its "tittilation" factor but for myself, the point in which it does, it becomes even more interesting to me. Paradoxical that way.
And I'm still working on myself..telling myself "its okay, its okay".
what kind of man will I be in the end?
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And how are you going? It's been a (long) while...