I took a little long to get my coffee.
Anyway....how was yer weekend? Mine was kinda chaotic.
I got a lot of information from it....not as much fun as I deserve though.
Thursday night was the only fun I had really. Ok I'm not complaining...its my own fault. I'm just accepting it for now.
First of all I spoke to my ex-wife's lover on the phone. Last I had talked to him he was no longer adverserial, no longer considering me as a mistreater of women, and was very sorry, probably for the bad advice he gave my ex, and just the way things turned out, all that. I think his pain was real so a few weeks later, last Thur. I called to see if he was better and put out that I was okay, cuz its true.
After that I felt like a swinger for the first time. I couldn't help but notice couples dynamics all of a sudden and felt how all women were potentially game (if they went that way), married or not. And always considered the vulnerablity of men. I guess I was still processing that because I hadn't realized I was headed that way until I was there. It was dirty feeling. It took long enough, I guess, and happend in that way cuz of my own blend of experiences.
I went out for sweetavenue's birthday...that was a lot of fun. I couldn't bring myself to get up and go home even though I was going to wake up at 5 in the morning. I was just having that much fun.
We ate some fine Mexican, I met a bunch of her friend all of whom I liked. Went to teh Darkroom and and listened to aeon spin records and watched her bop around on the dance floor with a cool pair of boots. It was awesome!
The only problem was that I was fucked up the rest of the time, after that night. I woke up with 3 hours sleep and went to work. I was fine but definitley low energy, weird-headed, and deadened senses. I missed out on meeting up with a friend L. forgot to call N. on Friday night and went to bed at 6pm.
The next day was sweetavenue's actual birthday party. I really wanted to be fresh, and not deadened out. I got 11 hours of sleep but still didn't feel so refreshed. I tried being low key all day. I worked out right before.
But I thought i would be clever and get even more fresh by downing this fucking recovery drink after my work-out.
It ripped my stomach up just as it was time for me to get going to her party. I forced myself to
cuz my stomach was so distressed and I wanted to get to partying. And I puked some blood out too. Fucking drink! And on the way to the train, thank god there was a public bathroom! That drink did a fucking number on me.
I was already still kinda weird headed and sense deadened, by the time I got there I felt a fucking zombie who was thinking "what the fuck is going on with my body and mind?". Then a special brownie later and I really was a zombie. It was such a fucking waste. There were so many cool people there that I would have liked to get to know better. Now I'm pissed.
Now after some more sleep I feel fresh and ready to go. Maybe I'm still a little tired. But I did the worst thing, I was there but I missed out.
But I got a lot of information at least. Learned about some of who's who. Learned not to fuck around with those muscle drinks. Learned to use my energy more wisely, or least that I ought to, a little more about how it works. Learned to keep going and accept whatever speedbumps on the way to fun.
Yeah I'm still kinda tired. Whatever. I'm a little bit zombie still. At least I can be a cool one.
Anyway....how was yer weekend? Mine was kinda chaotic.
I got a lot of information from it....not as much fun as I deserve though.
Thursday night was the only fun I had really. Ok I'm not complaining...its my own fault. I'm just accepting it for now.
First of all I spoke to my ex-wife's lover on the phone. Last I had talked to him he was no longer adverserial, no longer considering me as a mistreater of women, and was very sorry, probably for the bad advice he gave my ex, and just the way things turned out, all that. I think his pain was real so a few weeks later, last Thur. I called to see if he was better and put out that I was okay, cuz its true.
After that I felt like a swinger for the first time. I couldn't help but notice couples dynamics all of a sudden and felt how all women were potentially game (if they went that way), married or not. And always considered the vulnerablity of men. I guess I was still processing that because I hadn't realized I was headed that way until I was there. It was dirty feeling. It took long enough, I guess, and happend in that way cuz of my own blend of experiences.
I went out for sweetavenue's birthday...that was a lot of fun. I couldn't bring myself to get up and go home even though I was going to wake up at 5 in the morning. I was just having that much fun.
We ate some fine Mexican, I met a bunch of her friend all of whom I liked. Went to teh Darkroom and and listened to aeon spin records and watched her bop around on the dance floor with a cool pair of boots. It was awesome!
The only problem was that I was fucked up the rest of the time, after that night. I woke up with 3 hours sleep and went to work. I was fine but definitley low energy, weird-headed, and deadened senses. I missed out on meeting up with a friend L. forgot to call N. on Friday night and went to bed at 6pm.
The next day was sweetavenue's actual birthday party. I really wanted to be fresh, and not deadened out. I got 11 hours of sleep but still didn't feel so refreshed. I tried being low key all day. I worked out right before.
But I thought i would be clever and get even more fresh by downing this fucking recovery drink after my work-out.
It ripped my stomach up just as it was time for me to get going to her party. I forced myself to
cuz my stomach was so distressed and I wanted to get to partying. And I puked some blood out too. Fucking drink! And on the way to the train, thank god there was a public bathroom! That drink did a fucking number on me.
I was already still kinda weird headed and sense deadened, by the time I got there I felt a fucking zombie who was thinking "what the fuck is going on with my body and mind?". Then a special brownie later and I really was a zombie. It was such a fucking waste. There were so many cool people there that I would have liked to get to know better. Now I'm pissed.
Now after some more sleep I feel fresh and ready to go. Maybe I'm still a little tired. But I did the worst thing, I was there but I missed out.
But I got a lot of information at least. Learned about some of who's who. Learned not to fuck around with those muscle drinks. Learned to use my energy more wisely, or least that I ought to, a little more about how it works. Learned to keep going and accept whatever speedbumps on the way to fun.
Yeah I'm still kinda tired. Whatever. I'm a little bit zombie still. At least I can be a cool one.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
this realonship would be near perfect if i could get the porn out of his head or out of mine. and i know im seudo divorced, what a good relationship is. your advice is much appreciated.
thx
i have been awake on and off and my throat still hurts sooo much, so i haven't been feeling talk-y. i'll call you tomorrow. i'm not sure if i'm going to work or not yet, i'll see how i feel in the morning i guess.
i hope your day went well.