PROLOGUE:
Yesterday I was trying to remember what I did for Halloween of 2007 but I could not. I can't remember! My girlfriend can't remember either. I remember the tragedies of the latter half of 2007. My cousins lost finger, the many family deaths especially that of my gf's mentally ill father, my sister's husbands father's cancer by which time I was exhausted. Perhaps that is why I can not remember Halloween but I am also I am quite sure that we both suffer from ADD judging by the way we live our lives. I decided I needed to begin journalling for personal reasons.
There are too many valuable moments that are passing by. My amazing father is getting very old. My mother who has fought an incredible battle in her life is also very old and yet they are so far from my daily awareness. I have been fortunate to continue to have expanding life experiences but if they become forgotten what a waste it will be! Already I don't remember much of my Hare Krishna years (87-93). My life working at the Options Exchange is fading (95-99). My previous marriage may remain memorable because of the incredible destruction of it, but the good parts are likely to fade too.
It makes sense for me to do it here on this website. I'm already here. I have probably my longest journal on record here. If in the past I was exploring my creepiness and my relationship with post-feminism, and trying to figure out my sexual qualities, it was also then important to try to show my best face to get the sexual-social information I wanted. I wanted a positive, affirming response.
I don't need that any more. And yet I remain here simply because I have made good friends here before. And I like the quality of the discourse here, compared to most websites where there are so many tremendously stupidly biased people that belabor every convo. That is not the case here. Most people are on their better behavior because there are cute women here. Also I like looking at nude women. This has become my Playboy, read the good articles and fap to the pictures.
As of today I have two girlfriends. Two poly girlfriends. I have been doing this since October sometime (can't remember specifically!
). I have been with C for 4 years; met her on this website. I live with her. C2, her initial is also "C", was in my Statistics Class at community college but she dropped out. C2 was a Good Vibrations employee when I met her and I have changed in a couple of ways since spending time with her. She leaves in about two weeks for NYC and I am fine with that (I think).
I dropped out of Calculus. I attend school full time and I had been trending as a better student every semester, until this one. As a student I collapsed this semester, not physically but in terms of academic performance. It meant not applying to transfer to a University this year which was both a relief and a source of stress. I think it was the lack of a creative interest in any of my courses this semester.
My plan had been to study Informatics with a back-up plan to do CS, which was mostly a pragmatic choice with some creative possibilities. Also I had been becoming addicted to video games this semester. Suddenly going to school in London seems possible and studying Games Theory AKA Ludology seems plausible and concurrent with C's interests in studying Fashion Journalism there. I can combine my interest in Games as art and my self-identified skill at critical interpretation, all while living in a gorgeous city and country (and star on CCTV
) .
Today C has been making me feel pretty worried. I can see that she is really experiencing anxiety.
I can't think of anything else about the present that I may want to remember. I presented the context, and a brief on what is occupying me right now.
Yesterday I was trying to remember what I did for Halloween of 2007 but I could not. I can't remember! My girlfriend can't remember either. I remember the tragedies of the latter half of 2007. My cousins lost finger, the many family deaths especially that of my gf's mentally ill father, my sister's husbands father's cancer by which time I was exhausted. Perhaps that is why I can not remember Halloween but I am also I am quite sure that we both suffer from ADD judging by the way we live our lives. I decided I needed to begin journalling for personal reasons.
There are too many valuable moments that are passing by. My amazing father is getting very old. My mother who has fought an incredible battle in her life is also very old and yet they are so far from my daily awareness. I have been fortunate to continue to have expanding life experiences but if they become forgotten what a waste it will be! Already I don't remember much of my Hare Krishna years (87-93). My life working at the Options Exchange is fading (95-99). My previous marriage may remain memorable because of the incredible destruction of it, but the good parts are likely to fade too.
It makes sense for me to do it here on this website. I'm already here. I have probably my longest journal on record here. If in the past I was exploring my creepiness and my relationship with post-feminism, and trying to figure out my sexual qualities, it was also then important to try to show my best face to get the sexual-social information I wanted. I wanted a positive, affirming response.
I don't need that any more. And yet I remain here simply because I have made good friends here before. And I like the quality of the discourse here, compared to most websites where there are so many tremendously stupidly biased people that belabor every convo. That is not the case here. Most people are on their better behavior because there are cute women here. Also I like looking at nude women. This has become my Playboy, read the good articles and fap to the pictures.
As of today I have two girlfriends. Two poly girlfriends. I have been doing this since October sometime (can't remember specifically!
). I have been with C for 4 years; met her on this website. I live with her. C2, her initial is also "C", was in my Statistics Class at community college but she dropped out. C2 was a Good Vibrations employee when I met her and I have changed in a couple of ways since spending time with her. She leaves in about two weeks for NYC and I am fine with that (I think).I dropped out of Calculus. I attend school full time and I had been trending as a better student every semester, until this one. As a student I collapsed this semester, not physically but in terms of academic performance. It meant not applying to transfer to a University this year which was both a relief and a source of stress. I think it was the lack of a creative interest in any of my courses this semester.
My plan had been to study Informatics with a back-up plan to do CS, which was mostly a pragmatic choice with some creative possibilities. Also I had been becoming addicted to video games this semester. Suddenly going to school in London seems possible and studying Games Theory AKA Ludology seems plausible and concurrent with C's interests in studying Fashion Journalism there. I can combine my interest in Games as art and my self-identified skill at critical interpretation, all while living in a gorgeous city and country (and star on CCTV
) .Today C has been making me feel pretty worried. I can see that she is really experiencing anxiety.
I can't think of anything else about the present that I may want to remember. I presented the context, and a brief on what is occupying me right now.
brightredscream:
Wow..this is quite the update!
brightredscream:
Pictures would have been awesome