maggiezee

so, he's gone to the midwest again. we're gonna keep better contact, and i'm gonna go up there possibly spring break but definitely the summer. i want him in my life. i want to marry him, to have his babies, to live my life with him. i've come to terms that that might not happen, but it's what i want. more than that though, i want him to be happy. if that's with his girlfriend or someone else, it'll hurt like a heart break i've never felt before, but it'll be better than him disappearing out of my life. we've promised to keep in better contact while he's gone this time, seeing as if he doesn't come here for spring break the next time he'll be here is thanksgiving. ughh. i need to get in contact with his younger sister, she's my mini replacement for insights on God and Christ and everything along those lines i'm trying to learn about. it's still strange to me, i've gone my whole life with a scientific atheistic point of view, and then through a series of terrible and wonderful events i realized there has to be some greater power. i'm still getting used to it, but it's what i want to know, what i want to be, how i want to live. i don't want to party so hard i'm naked for hours and sleep with random people. i want to live my life in a way that i'll be happy with. a way i'm not ashamed of or won't make me loath myself. some guy i've never met called me trouble tonight, and for the first time, i wasn't flattered. it's a good sign. so, here's to making 2008 all it can be. to making it better than 2007 and everything leading up to that terrible year. cheers, amen.